I’m aware that many bloggers reading this right now don’t watch television at all. Of course not, you’re too busy writing list posts comparing your niche to a popular TV series or a movie character! If I had to suggest one show to check out, though, it would be Dexter.
The Showtime series is based around Dexter Morgan, a serial killer who works as a forensic blood spatter analyst for the police department. Harnessing the darkness inside only to kill those “who deserve it” (primarily other killers), the series shows Dexter trying to balance an everyday life with his secret identity while still appearing normal to all those around him. A very entertaining show in it’s own right, watching Dexter can also teach you a fair bit about blogging. Let’s take a look!
Be aware that the following may contain spoilers, so read at your own peril!
1. Learn the tools of your trade hiding within plain sight.
Freely comment on other’s blogs, engage people on Twitter and generally play nicely with the community. In the process though, absorb their quality content and mooch off their resources as much as possible. It’s not like you have feelings for these bloggers, so who cares if you’re just playing a rouse to get traffic and feeding your darkness?
2. Clean up all evidence of your crimes and leave no witnesses.
Turn your blog into a kill room. Moderate your comments relentlessly and delete those that can show others who you truly are. When in doubt, make your comment section nofollow and dump links on Squidoo, since no one will think of searching there.
3. Jimmy Smits is available for guest posts.
The fact that the former NYPD Blue star chose to play a supporting character for a season on a cable channel obviously shows that he’s desperate for work. Feel free to send him $15 via Paypal and I’m sure he’ll write for your blog.
4. Need help coming up with post ideas? Just talk to your dead father!
He’s the one who gave you the code to live by – the blueprint for ‘killer’ success. Keep him white listed in your spam filter though. He pops up all the time.
5. When you find someone that seems perfect, visit their house. It’s probably a facade.
Every blogger looks up to guys like Darren Rowse and Brian Clark, putting them up on a pedestal as a shining example of what they’d like to become some day. But how much do you really know about them? Visit their house on Thanksgiving and you might find them beating their wife, breaking their son’s fingers while caressing the urn holding their dead sister’s remains.
6. If you get caught lying, pretend you have a drug problem.
No one will fault you then because the blogging community cares deeply about your private life, right? Even if you do get ostracized, publicizing your demons will cause a boatload of self improvement or lifestyle design gurus to come out of the woodwork and attempt to be your savior. If they get too close for your liking, be like Dexter and pin a crime on them!
7. It’s totally okay your wife is dead. That just means you can finally blog in peace!
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