The Apple iPad: There’s A Sap For That!

The Apple iPad: There’s A Sap For That!

The Apple iPad will change the way I view the world. It’s going to revolutionize my life. I’m not exactly sure how, but if Steve Jobs says it will – then dammit, it’s going to happen!

How exactly could my life change with the iPad?

No longer will I miss out on anything when walking from the bedroom to my computer desk in the morning. It’s one hell of a long commute, so making sure I’m connected to pulse of the world is a priority.

The iPad will make for a great conversation starter. Imagine sitting down at a crowded cafe, all the interesting people you can meet when they ask “why the hell do you need that stupid thing?”

Since the iPad can only handle one task at a time, I won’t be distracted by things like writing blog posts, connecting with influencers or answering e-mail promptly. No more wasted productivity – it’s a godsend!

Getting through reading another worthless 128-page marketing eBook will take even less time as before. Instead of using a scroll bar or arrow keys, I can just “swoosh” my finger across the screen. How will I utilize the extra 2.6 seconds saved? Choices are limitless.

The iPad will totally enhance my rabid addiction to viewing tasteless Asian bondage porn. No more having to squint at images on my iPhone while trying to masturbate in the bathroom stall of Greyhound bus stations!

What features does the iPad have that will revolutionize how we live?

I have no idea. I don’t. Seriously. Does the iPad even have any features?

I’ve tried looking up the specs for hours on tech blogs with no luck. Apparently, these bloggers can only tell me what it doesn’t do. No camera. No Flash. No built-in USB port. No SD card slot. No multi-tasking. No point in owning one.

Oh, now I understand. This is one of Apple’s “simplicity is better” power plays. It’s not supposed to appeal to us geeks or anyone with a modicum of technological knowledge whatsoever. It’s for Grandma! You know… the same person who still needs you to program the time on her VCR after every power outage. I’m sure she’ll have no problem operating the iPad!

All I can say to sum up my opinion on the Apple iPad is that if Robert Scoble’s kid doesn’t even want one, why should I?

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  • iPad... another retarded product by Apple that will sell because Steve Jobs wore a turtle neck and said it was cool. The limits of branding has no bounds, there is a good lesson to be learnt here kiddies.

    On a more technical note. If you really want a tablet, but a tablet pc laptop. Best of both worlds for 3x the horsepower. The only thing it can't do is run for 10 hours straight on battery. Not a big deal.
  • We don't have Greyhound buses in New Zealand or China. :(

    Also, you'd be stuck to images and not videos for your "tasteless Asian bondage porn" because the damn thing can't use Flash. That was their most moronic decision. Millions of sites use flash.

    Apple iPad should be called the Lemon iPod. (Lame, I know.)
  • This remains me of back in the days when I worked for IBM customer support, and some 'mom' or 'pop' had had been tricked by the latest hyped up media campaign. They ended up buying a desktop with all the gidget and gadgets IBM could possible offer. Then two or three day call in to customer support wondering why Solitaire was not working... or why the screen still was black...

    It's just the beauty of new technology...

    Maybe Stephen Colbert can jump in an teach us.. since we now know he has a iPad..

    And Mike CJ gave us a unique perspective of iPad usage.. LOL

    Cheers.. Are
  • I want one. It plays music.
    I plan to clip it to my belt when I'm running on a treadmill.
  • Yay, asian bondage porn! Oh...
  • It looks like someone got tricked into clicking on that link. :-)

    Just giving a buddy a back link I joked about with him yesterday while writing the post! LOL!
  • I have the vague feeling I should be offended but can't for the life of me work out why ;)

    Thanks for the link Jordan, and for sharing your take on things.
  • You've got this wrong Jordan. So wrong.

    You need an iPad for reading magazines and watching films (as well as the porn, because you can't hold a laptop one handed)

    Then you need a Kindle for reading books.

    A Blackberry for emails and Tweeting.

    And finally a laptop for everything else.

    Fortunately, Samsonite are coming up with a special design to incorporate all these things into one handy bag. With wheels. Sixteen of them. And a small, but powerful electric motor.
  • All jokes aside, I think you got the general attitude by Apple correct here. Steve Jobs *wants* you to have to buy a zillion different items that each do a separate thing. It's better for his profit margin.

    Look at how the damn thing doesn't even have a USB port! You think that was just an oversight? Of course not. Apple wants you to purchase stuff through iTunes & their new book/app store - not just take things off your computer and move them to the iPad.

    The way things are going down in the tech/internet space, it doesn't seem far off when between Apple, Microsoft & Google, they'll control everything.
  • "You need an iPad for reading magazines and watching films (as well as the porn, because you can't hold a laptop one handed)"

    Oh man, that cracked me up!
  • It's a giant iPhone. Simple. It's trying to out do the those brick mobile phones from many a years ago. I think they've won.

    Kindle might have some competition now.

    I have to say I was surprised that it's $499, good price! If I were rich I'd go grab one, but I'm not so I won't :P
  • I just don't see it being better than my iPhone if I still need a laptop and my iPhone.
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