The Apple iPad will change the way I view the world. It’s going to revolutionize my life. I’m not exactly sure how, but if Steve Jobs says it will – then dammit, it’s going to happen!
How exactly could my life change with the iPad?
No longer will I miss out on anything when walking from the bedroom to my computer desk in the morning. It’s one hell of a long commute, so making sure I’m connected to pulse of the world is a priority.
The iPad will make for a great conversation starter. Imagine sitting down at a crowded cafe, all the interesting people you can meet when they ask “why the hell do you need that stupid thing?”
Since the iPad can only handle one task at a time, I won’t be distracted by things like writing blog posts, connecting with influencers or answering e-mail promptly. No more wasted productivity – it’s a godsend!
Getting through reading another worthless 128-page marketing eBook will take even less time as before. Instead of using a scroll bar or arrow keys, I can just “swoosh” my finger across the screen. How will I utilize the extra 2.6 seconds saved? Choices are limitless.
The iPad will totally enhance my rabid addiction to viewing tasteless Asian bondage porn. No more having to squint at images on my iPhone while trying to masturbate in the bathroom stall of Greyhound bus stations!
What features does the iPad have that will revolutionize how we live?
I have no idea. I don’t. Seriously. Does the iPad even have any features?
I’ve tried looking up the specs for hours on tech blogs with no luck. Apparently, these bloggers can only tell me what it doesn’t do. No camera. No Flash. No built-in USB port. No SD card slot. No multi-tasking. No point in owning one.
Oh, now I understand. This is one of Apple’s “simplicity is better” power plays. It’s not supposed to appeal to us geeks or anyone with a modicum of technological knowledge whatsoever. It’s for Grandma! You know… the same person who still needs you to program the time on her VCR after every power outage. I’m sure she’ll have no problem operating the iPad!
All I can say to sum up my opinion on the Apple iPad is that if Robert Scoble’s kid doesn’t even want one, why should I?