Dumb People Click On Links
The importance of e-mail list subscribers. Do you really need them?

Of course you need them! You should have known that answer already. Every internet marketer known to man has proclaimed that e-mail converts and they’re absolutely right. But no one knows why except for the talking gerbil that lives inside of John Chow’s sock drawer. Fortunately, I have been given an exclusive interview with the remarkably rich rodent and am bringing you the inside scoop!

Q: I only have 12 minutes left to write this post, so let’s cut to the chase. Why does e-mail convert?

A: It’s all because of dumb people, Jordan. All because of them. Do you realize it’s the largest demographic of people in the world?

Q: What do you mean, Harold? (that’s his name, by the way)

A: You and me, we’re smart and savvy. We know technology. We know what RSS is. We don’t use Internet Explorer. We’re regularly on Twitter and more importantly, we know when people are full of shit. Dumb people don’t, so that’s why we market to them.

Q: Yeah, I read that in the $497 two-page eReport I bought from your website.

A: You’ve done your research then… oh also, dumb people like e-mail! Can you believe that? They like it because it’s the only thing about the internet they know how to use. So why not send them a message posing as their best friend from high school? It’s even more effective when you send them vague anchor text like “click here”. Dumb people click on links.

Q: Great point, but shouldn’t targeted search engine traffic with Adwords do more for you anyways?

A: Of course, that’s a big part of our scam. But there’s only so much focus you can draw out of dumb people’s short attention span. Don’t you notice sales pages only give you the option to “buy now” and nothing else to click?

Q: Yeah, that’s definitely something I see. Is that because of dumb people?

A. Yup. Too many links.

Q: Harold, thanks for taking the time out to share your secrets of internet marketing success.

A: No problem, man. Now can you help me get this Asian guy out of my damn house?


Laugh your ass off *and* educate yourself at the same time! Get the most hilarious free marketing tips for your business sent to your inbox. Stuff that's just too damn good to post on this blog, only available exclusively if you subscribe to my e-mail list now.

You probably wouldn't be interested in these related posts:

Top 10 Most Effective E-Mail List Subject Lines
Top 10 Most Effective E-Mail List Subject Lines
Top 10 Failed URL Shortener Spinoffs
Top 10 Failed URL Shortener Spinoffs
How To Build A Powerful Blogging Alliance
How To Build A Powerful Blogging Alliance
Are You A Guest Blogging Backlink Bitch?
Are You A Guest Blogging Backlink Bitch?
  • Excellent point about acting like you have 100s of thousands of people on your e-mail list. I was thinking ohh well I only have so few people on my subscriber list so I wont see out an e-mail. This changed my thought process.

    I also think of writing to millions of people with each blog post, like we discussed in the Not A Pro Webcast yesterday.
  • My attitude is that if you're striving to be a mega superstar in a field... if you're not willing to work as hard as you would like you already are one, then do you really love and enjoy what you're doing?
  • Here's another one for you: most of the lists from the big name marketers are very incestuous. What I mean is that you subscribe to big list "A" and he sends you a link to opt-in to another list "B" who in turn sends you an email telling your to subscribe to this new hot product list "C" et etc until you are at about list "M" and that guy sends you an email that says, "hey, you have gotta check out this dude on list 'A' because he is the bombiggity/; blah blah.. incest!! incest!
    AL
    (yeah, you are gonna get Google traffic for incest terms now LOL)
  • Debbie Ferm
    My husband says that if someone advertised a sale on beatings, I'd get in line. Sadly, it's true. But clearly, I am not dumb so that blows your theory all to hell.
  • Hmm, let me get my paddle board... :-)
  • ShaneRQR
    Interesting. Very well put together for a 20min post. I wouldn't have been able to tell, if you hadn't mentioned it. :)

    One problem with lists is this, though: Most people on your list don't want your e-mails so bad. They wanted what you offered as bait to get them to sign up...

    Be that as it may, there is, of course, a ton of money in a big list, so don't listen to my griping. ;)
  • Shane, you speak the brutal truth and I agree with it.

    But who says it really has to be this way? Everyone seems to be taking the same approach - offering the free yet valuable dangling carrot just for permission to further contact you. I'm not knocking it because it apparently works and is a good way to build a big list... BUT don't you think having a list 20% the size with people who opted-in purely because of want would be just as effective?
  • Yep, excellent point! A small list of 500 subs who grabbed the email subscribe link because they wanted to will convert higher and MORE OFTEN than the ones bribed into it. Also, people who find your site from organic search and then subscribe are much more likely to buy from you because their original visit to your site came because they used Google to "ask a question" and when your site provided the answer, they gained immense trust... enough to ask for more by joining your list. Remember, organic visitors make you more money on all fronts!

    You can see some of what I am talking about when you start getting links from sites in your niche (speaking of the MMO/IMABLOGGER niche). Most times, the guys with 10 million subscribers via feed, email and twitter... when they link to you, you get a trickle of traffic... but when you get linked to from a guy who just kicks all form of content ass but pays little attention to promoting his RSS, email or twitter (he gets his traffic from Google)... you get triple or quadruple to referral traffic. It's really interesting to see it in action.
    AL
  • ShaneRQR
    Good point.
    Also, I guess it's important to distinguish between the make-money/blogging-about-blogging niches and every other niche out there.
    People in MMO/Blogging are jaded and probably already subscribed to a billion lists. But people who spend more time offline than on are a completely different thing.
  • I hadn't looked at it from that way. I like your point about traffic from Google being better and more. Just in the last week Google has now surpassed Twitter as my number one traffic provider, so I'm happy about that.
  • I like how you take serious topics with a fun approach. Anyway, what you say in this article is very true, indeed.
  • It's all about making more GODDAMN money. MOre..
  • People also click on shiny sparkly links that look nice and say HIT ME, HIT ME!

    They also click on links that say 'don't click this or something bad will happen'.

    Seriously though, you make a good point that if you should do what you say. Be reliable on your word. I don't believe I've said that I was sending emails out at certain times so I think I'm in the clear there. ;)

    Sarge | BeginnerBlogger.com

blog comments powered by Disqus