So, I haven’t posted here on the blog in 4 days.
Wait for it… Wait for it!
I’m incredibly sorry and apologize to all my 12 readers, but I’ve been…
Hold on, it doesn’t even matter. You probably haven’t noticed any difference, right?
For all you know, I did write three blog posts over the weekend – but you scrolled right past it in your RSS reader. Boy, I definitely would sound quite arrogant if I professed my heartfelt apologies thinking I was somehow an integral part of your life.
Actually, I should be the one upset.
How important are you that I can disappear for a whole 4 days in between posts and you don’t even bat an eye. How egotistical and uncaring of you! Am I just some circus monkey to you – performing tricks for your amusement only worth giving two craps about for 30 seconds a day as you leisurely skim through my hard work? You should be the one apologizing to me!
Wait a second… this may be the first time you’ve visited my blog. In that case, I obviously can’t blame you for failing to check up on me. I apologize for berating you in the above paragraph.
Actually, what am I saying? I’m not sorry at all.
The fact it’s taken you 3 months to find my blog shows how utterly full of yourself you are. You’re the overlord of the kingdom and I’m the peon slaving away pumping out content for chump change. Obviously, you have so many more important things to do than waste 30 seconds of your day to acknowledge a peasant. Really, I should be sucking up and kissing your feet, master, as I should be honored to have the privilege of your attention!
Damn, I’m really glad I didn’t write one of those posts apologizing to my readers for no reason.
I’m not sorry. You’re not sorry. Let’s deal with it!