A Fake Apology For The Unaware

A Fake Apology For The Unaware

So, I haven’t posted here on the blog in 4 days.

Wait for it… Wait for it!

I’m incredibly sorry and apologize to all my 12 readers, but I’ve been…

Hold on, it doesn’t even matter. You probably haven’t noticed any difference, right?

For all you know, I did write three blog posts over the weekend – but you scrolled right past it in your RSS reader. Boy, I definitely would sound quite arrogant if I professed my heartfelt apologies thinking I was somehow an integral part of your life.

Actually, I should be the one upset.

How important are you that I can disappear for a whole 4 days in between posts and you don’t even bat an eye. How egotistical and uncaring of you! Am I just some circus monkey to you – performing tricks for your amusement only worth giving two craps about for 30 seconds a day as you leisurely skim through my hard work? You should be the one apologizing to me!

Wait a second… this may be the first time you’ve visited my blog. In that case, I obviously can’t blame you for failing to check up on me. I apologize for berating you in the above paragraph.

Actually, what am I saying? I’m not sorry at all.

The fact it’s taken you 3 months to find my blog shows how utterly full of yourself you are. You’re the overlord of the kingdom and I’m the peon slaving away pumping out content for chump change. Obviously, you have so many more important things to do than waste 30 seconds of your day to acknowledge a peasant. Really, I should be sucking up and kissing your feet, master, as I should be honored to have the privilege of your attention!

Damn, I’m really glad I didn’t write one of those posts apologizing to my readers for no reason.

I’m not sorry. You’re not sorry. Let’s deal with it!

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  • I'm so happy you're OK!

    Thank God! I don't wish pain on anyone because I don't want pain wished upon myself. If you don't post, screw it. You'll be back when you're good and ready. Doesn't mean I don't think about ya!

    Have a good one, Jordan!
  • Rob
    Well... I don't know about anyone else, but I'd personally be happy if you were bleeding to death on the ground dead. Only kidding, I do love you.

    Getting back on track... I think it's stupid for bloggers to say "Hey I'm sorry I've been gone for so long" honestly, readers DON'T care. Well.. Most of them at least. Sure, I've wondered why some blogs haven't posted in awhile, but I don't really care that much. A lot of readers will be like "Oh you're back? Never knew you were gone"
  • Rob, it's just a natural thing to believe you're the center of universe... of course, your own blog will be in the forefront of your mind, but things look much more different to the general public - those who either regularly read your blog to the first-time visitors.

    For the most part, no one cares about you. Only you do. It's harsh to say, but it's true. The quicker you come to realize this, there more successful you can be in providing what *others* care about... and then obviously monetizing that!
  • Hey go easy Jordan, I mean ........ I gotta can of band-aids if that will help! And hey, where's my list of 7 things I all ready know how to do? And you promised me a yellow sharpie and an empty Mountain Dew bottle, and I haven't seen them either!!! Grab a mitt and get in the game, will ya!
  • I'm sorry to let you down, Jeffrey. I'll make sure I leave you in my will. :-)
  • Jeez Jordan, you crack me up man! If it makes any difference, I would care if you were bleeding to death from multiple scissor wounds. Honestly I didn't really notice anything different but I'll just assume you're "busy" next time...*cough* slacker
  • Glad you finally posted. I was going to delete you from my RSS reader. Figured you probably finally died from playing with scissors or something.

    You really should get some safety scissors. Pointy scissors are the number one cause of mysterious deaths in North America.
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