I would like to thank every single blog I read regularly for wishing me a Merry Christmas. Thank you so much for filling up my RSS reader with short posts of little value all just so you can fake caring about me. As a present, can you buy me the hour of my life I wasted sorting through all the drivel?
Oh, and I can’t leave out all the people I’m following on Twitter. Thank you for filling my stream giving me a play by play of Christmas Eve with the family. Jimmy has grown up so much since the last time we saw him, don’t you think? I know it’s tough to spend a whole day conversing with Grandpa about the war and Aunt Ellen with her eccentric cooking antics… but do we really have to experience the pain along with you? I’m glad I’m not on Flickr or I’d have to look at your ugly kids too.
I would also like to thank every blogger who wrote an “hilarious” themed post by spoofing a well-known Christmas poem. You’re so clever, the way you replaced a few nouns with blogging terms! I can play mad libs too. Try this one out:
Not a comment was posted, not even a ping.
The copy was written on the squeeze page with care,
In hopes that loyal readers soon would be there.
The video teaser was nestled all snug in an embed,
While visions of Paypal deposits danced in my head.
And eBooks ready for purchase, traffic to get capped
Had just settled an affiliate deal for more unlucky saps.
When out on the blog there arose such a chatter,
I sprang from John Chow’s ass to see if my wallet was fatter.
Away to e-Junkie I flew like a flash,
To open the browser and count up the cash.
The transaction was a test of a new created item
It gave the false hope of customers biting.
When, what to my greedy eyes should appear,
But a blacklisted letter from Google, those queers.
With a little DNS switch, a re-direct so quick,
I knew in a moment I can continue scraping shit.
More rapid than Twitter the Adwords converted,
With Megan Fox keywords for the SEO perverted.
“With Friend Feed! with, Diggers! with, Delicious and Sphinns!
On, Reddit! On, Facebook! on Twitter and Linkedin!
To the top of the page! to the top of the SERPs!
Now buy away! Buy away! Buy away jerks!”
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