Nigerian Spammers Changed My Life

I wanted to take the time to let everyone know about the people online that have made a difference in my life. Those that have made made it more meaningful…

Like Mariam Abacha, wife of the late General Sanni Abacha of Nigeria. For the past decade or so, I’ve had quite a strong relationship with her and her family.

See, 12 years ago her husband, then the Nigerian Military Head of State died mysteriously as a result of cardiac arrest. Now this left a void in the control of the country and the new democratic government had the assets of the Abachas frozen by President Abdusalami Abubakar because of alleged looting of the nation’s wealth.

Of course, this was a downright lie. The money came as a result of a pay-back contract deal with a Russian firm in Nigeria’s multi-billion dollar Ajaokuta Steel Plant.

The Abacha family has three metal trunk boxes with $33 million all in foreign exchange deposited in a security company in Holland. The Dutch, though, don’t have any knowledge of the deposit, because it was done in the guise that the trunk contained precious stones.

This money was supposed to be for the settlement of the General’s Personal Royal Guards on his self-succession bid and campaigns – but they can not trace it because the funds were deposited as African Art Work from the National Commission for Museum and Monuments.

To make things even worse, her son Mohammed has been in prison for years undergoing questioning and charged with conspiracy and murder by the government.

To this point in my time on the earth, my whole life has been about me, me, me…

So when I was contacted by Dr. Galadima Hassan and Farouk Bakoh, lawyers representing Mariam Abacha (having gotten my particulars from the family library, of course!) – I just felt I needed to step in. I finally saw the opportunity to help someone else for a change.

I got in touch with Abbah Abacha, her elder brother.

I reached out to Abu Ibrahima & Musa Jubri, the nephews of the late General.

I even formed a working partnership with Prince Isa Ahmed, Mariam’s younger brother who runs most of her secret business overseas.

After all this time the past 12 years, together we’re almost there securing the much needed assets allowing the Abachas to create a new life for themselves.

The weekend of SOBCon in Chicago, I’m finally getting sent the certificate of deposit, number and airway bill of the luggage and other related documents so I can claim the trunks which shall be appropriately tagged “family treasures” and “diplomatic baggage”.

Yes, I am receiving 15% of the funds after the transaction, but the nearly 5 million dollars really means nothing to me. It’s the feeling of knowing I made a difference in someone’s life. That’s worth so much more than that. It’s priceless.

Although we’ve never met, I want to say thank you to Mariam and the Abacha family.

You’ve made my life so much clearer & meaningful. It has changed the way I see the world.


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  • +5
    That piece *has* to be the most creative I've ever read to the Nigerian crap that pervades the web.
  • You're such a thoughtful and caring young man. I'm so proud of you. It's so good to see you making a difference in those poor folks lives.
  • Lol! You are not right for this one! I've been slapping delete on those emails for years - when I could've been writing a super hilarious blog post like this one. Shame on me!
  • My brother, you do not know me. But I am the representative of the Abacha family here in Europe. My Uncle Abbah has kept me fully apprised of the amazing help you have extended to our family for 12 years and I wish to add my grateful thanks.

    It will truly be a joyful day when you finally collect our frozen assets at the temple you call Sobcon in your splendid and virtuous city of Chicago, home I believe of our other benefactor Sir Christopher Brogan.

    There is, my brother, just one tiny, small problem, but I know you will find it in your heart to help us resolve this last step, so that we can gratefully ensure that you enjoy soon your $5 million share in return for freeing our assets.

    My uncle mistakenly sent to me the customs clearance papers, and without any income for 12 years, I do not have the wherewithal to send them on to you, my brother. I think the safest way (as the papers are worth many millions as you know) is for me to bring them to you personally in the United States. Indeed, I think you will agree it is the only way, if we are to ensure a triumphant handover at the temple of Sobcon by April 30th. I know you will agree.

    Please therefore confirm that you will be able to send me the sum of $5000 in order that I can buy a plane ticket to the United States. This may seem excessive but I wish not to take any risks (remember my brother your share is $5 Million) and to entrust such valuable paperwork to a courier or to risk my person to be mugged in coach on a plane would be stupid, I am sure you agree.

    Confirm to me please that you are in agreement and I will provide full details of a Western Union office you can send the money to. You have my word I will use it for no other purpose.

    I know you will find it in your heart to once again do the right and honorable thing, and I look forward with all my desires to shaking your hand at the Sobcon temple very, very soon.

    Your esteemed and beloved friend,

    Mohad

    PS Great news, my brother! My uncle has agreed that as you have been so importune for so many years, that we should increase your share of our money to $6 Million! This is no less than you deserve. Hurry! Please! Let me know this is OK for you and we will arrange the payment for the final hurdle.
  • Mohad, I'd love to wire you the money so we can proceed with this glorious business relationship, but I'm a bit strapped for cash right now.

    I just sent $8k to Ghana in order to secure the release of gold bars found in an unclaimed inheritance. They're easily worth $10 million, so once they're shipped across the pond to me, I'll most definitely help you fly in to the United States.

    Give your Uncle my regards... I look forward to finally meeting your family!
  • Mike, you really do deserve that 6 million. I'm envious.
  • And here I thought you were going to #SOBCON
  • Glad to be connected to such a selfless servant. Mother Theresa would be proud.
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