Typically used in the context of dating, it’s been seen countless times with women being drawn more towards the stereotypical “bad boy” while giving a perfectly polite, respectful & unselfish man the cold shoulder. The phrase has almost become a cult-like anthem of sensitive types to wallow in their own self-pity.

These lost souls go out on date after date and find themselves in the same position over and over again.

They bring flowers. They hold the door open. They choose a great restaurant and foot the bill. They even might have awesome conversation while walking down the boardwalk on a spectacular night.

After all of this, the women gives him a small peck on the cheek, a promise for a second date… and the next day fucks the guy with the biggest dick.

How many times have you heard women bemoan the fact there are no “nice guys” anymore, yet still get into relationships time and time again with complete assholes? Why? Even she doesn’t know. Maybe it’s what she thinks she wants, when all she might really truly want is a guy with a huge cock. It’s a means to an end. That’s it.

And so has this been the case for many bloggers.

You write blog posts every day. You engage with your audience. You elicit comments and respond promptly with appreciation. You network with others, support people and share the limelight without question. You put everyone else’s needs over your own on a regular basis.

Yet you’ve gotten absolutely nowhere. No money. No traffic. No success.

Although in contrast, you see countless others who don’t engage much, don’t respond to comments, don’t share many links and don’t seem to show any public appreciation whatsoever to their audience – and they have traffic numbers off the roof making 6 figures with their online business.

So you think to yourself “what the fuck is going on here?” You make a vow to combat this by out-caring everyone in your niche. You write even more blog posts. You start giving away even more content. You start webcasts, podcasts, live streams, Twitter chats, retweet clubs, guest posts, blog networks, link shares, contests, gift giveaways and everything you can possibly do outside of painting people’s houses.

That still gets you absolutely nowhere. No money. No traffic. No success.

Although in contrast, you see another blogger who doesn’t seem to do much offer a single free eBook and it ends up crashing his/her server, generating 500 retweets and 10,000 opt-ins. Everyone is talking about it. Everyone is applauding it.

And you’re still thinking to yourself “what the fuck is going on here?” How could it be that a nice guy like yourself gets kicked to the curb? How could it be that these apparent assholes have no problem attracting people and cashing in on it?

Because they’ve got a bigger dick. They have the goods. You don’t. You’ve got a pencil dick.

They don’t need to be sincere, cordial or even friendly because they have exactly what people really want. A product of value. The knowledge & comfort that it will hit the g-spot each and every time. That’s it.

Sure, many would prefer to deal with “nice guys”, but without having the huge cock in your pants to back up your exterior, it doesn’t matter. They’re going to fuck someone else. No matter how much they claim otherwise, it’s a means to an end.

So what can you do to enlarge your blogging penis?

Build something of real value. Vastly improve what you’re currently producing. Create something that’s so good, people will consume it regardless of how much you engage, solicit, comment, reply, share, promote or appreciate your audience.

Stroke it already and stop spending all your time playing with your balls.

Nice guys finish last. Those who can satisfy their readers’ true desires finish first. It’s possible to be both.

It’s time to crack open the piggy bank where you stored the $18 earned off your last eBook launch. Go ahead and pawn off your free Facebook ad coupons on eBay for $5 a piece. Start pushing your blog’s Adsense blocks to the max just to reach Google’s $100 payment threshold.

This is definitely not a conference to miss!

Besides coming to listen to your favorite bloggers drone on about how great they are while you take notes on things you’ve already known and failed to actually do yourself…

Here are ten more good reasons you need to be in Las Vegas for BlogWorld Expo:

10. The bright lights of the city. After you sit in on a day full of panel sessions about how people are totally and utterly oblivious to banner ads… flock with 500 other bloggers to the Carrot Top show only because of the 70 foot neon signs seen from a mile away.

9. Geo-location networking gone mad. Of course, you stupidly ask the cab driver how you can check-in to his taxi on Foursquare. Tip him only a buck just so he goes home thinking the “mayor” is a cheap ass.

8. Joint venture opportunities. Finally, you’re able to collaborate face-to-face with people about “awesome” projects and then totally forget who they are by the following week! Oh, and by the end of the conference, Chris Garrett has brokered enough JV deals that he owns 3 casinos and 14 strip joints.

7. Living it up in the lavish mega-hotels. In sweet internet marketing irony, noticing how the “make money online” bloggers all take penthouse rooms at the Luxor so they’re still on top of one huge pyramid.

6. Buzzwords, buzzwords and more buzzwords. Attend Scott Stratten’s exclusive interview session with legendary Las Vegas acts as he preaches for them to “stop performing, start engaging!” Siegfried & Roy mention how they tried that seven years ago and we all know how that turned out.

5. Picking up hot blogger chicks. Never mind the fact that you’re an awkward introvert and your best attempt at a pick up line is “Girl, I know your fingers must be tired, ’cause you’ve been commenting on my posts all day.”

4. The convention exhibition hall. Walk up and down the aisles and watch two-bit salesmen peddle you wares. Get a hands-on demonstration of a new website that let’s you share content across 45 different platforms. Get another demo of a new Wordpress plugin that let’s you share content across 74 different social networks. Get yet another pitch of a pre-release beta Android app that let’s you share content across 168 different sites… from your phone! Then tell all your friends about them everywhere on Ping.fm.

3. Rabid social media groupies. Have fun watching them run down the Las Vegas strip asking bystanders if they know where Chris Brogan is hanging out. Then laugh hysterically when these tourists (and 99% of the population) respond back with the honest retort of “who the fuck is Chris Brogan?”

2. The gambling, of course! Pull up a seat at the blackjack table next to Darren Rowse and watch him conduct important “research” on the new edition of his 31DBBB eBook: 31 Drinks To Become Broke Betting.

1. Me. I’ll be at BlogWorld Expo in Las Vegas from October 14-16 speaking on the unsanctioned milk crate panel in the Mandalay Bay lobby. (that is, until security kicks us out) My talk is about how anyone can speak at conferences even if no one gives a flying fuck about you whatsoever. Consider it a free bonus included in the cost of your conference ticket!

Or don’t. It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to see Carrot Top.

When you combine all the hoo-haa from the big time names in blogging (Seth Godin, Gary Vaynerchuk, Darren Rowse, Chris Brogan etc), you start to see things differently. You start to believe in blogging. Hell, you start to believe that that YOU can blog and MAKE IT! These guys and gals pump you up, they motivate you and tell you to get your word out there and be successful.

So off you go, starting your own blog in hopes of becoming “pro” and after some time a grave realization comes up on you when you find out that… No one gives a flying poodle shit about what you have to say!

Now we obviously know why this is a problem. So I decided I’m gonna do something about this and help out the ones that are being ignored. I have taken the time to pint-point five areas in blogging where you might be weak (it could be all of them) and then provided a little cure so you can turn it into your strength. Don’t get all offended if I nail the problem in the head about you or your blog… it happens. You’ll get through it, I promise… Maybe. Let’s get on with it.

1. You suck.

I mean, plain and simple… you just suck. You couldn’t string words together into a sentence if your life depended on it. In fact, if humanity’s sole survival depended on you writing a half-decent paragraph, you’d be responsible for wiping out our entire fucking species. That’s a lot of sucking.

BUT… luckily for you, it’s not the end of the world. Why? Well first of all, humanity doesn’t depend on you (thank the lord). And second of all, if you suck, you can do something about it. You can either switch mediums to get your message across (like Gary Vaynerchuk… he is a terrible writer so he dictated his book to someone who could write and is a video blogger himself) OR you can learn how not to suck… and blow shit outta the water instead. This is what I did. I was a sucky-ass writer, so I decided to read, learn and practice till people went from “WTF is this dude?” to “This is half decent” – and to me, that was good enough to start with.

And now just look at me, I’ve made it in life! I’m all prestigious, world-famous and guest posting on… Not A Pro Blog! Damn, never mind. I still love you Jordan.

2. You fail to make an impression – people forget you.

Or to put it in other words… you’re boring as fuck. You couldn’t hold the attention span of a tied down sloth. Technically you can write, but your content reads like a math text book. It puts people to sleep and causes zero emotional excitement. I think the authors of this type of content should pay ME to read their crap. Id rather look at dull gray skies and watch King Of The Hill… at least there’s a small chance I might have a good time.

If you fall into this category, then the first thing you need to do is start living a more exciting life. I don’t give a shit if you’re an introvert… so is Darren Rowse, yet he found a way to write compelling content for the masses. So why can’t you?

Then go take some improv lessons… or better yet, tell Jordan that you’ll give him sexual favors in exchange for some comedy training. Also, reading content by other authors who are considered to be “good” or “great” isn’t a bad idea. And no, reading my shit doesn’t constitute it as being “great” content.

… Its actually constitutes as be phenomenal!

3. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

This one is almost incurable… simply because these people can’t accept that they’re wrong and keep talking out of their asses. I mean, the truth could come and whack them on the ass with a 2×4 and they’ll just find that kinky as hell. What really bugs me is that sometimes these people don’t suck at writing and actually have a personality… but if they only did some god damn research before opening their pie hole, I wouldn’t want to punch them in the face.

But, I did say “almost”. If you happen to fall into this category… it’s OK to accept it. I forgive your ignorant ass, just move on and better yourself. Don’t keep spewing out the same nonsense over and over again, change it up. Be more real. Be thought provoking… then see how people actually pay attention to you.

4. You can’t promote for shit.

As in, if you were a club promoter… that place would be out of business faster than the Betamax. If you don’t know how to put your content in front of eyeballs, then forget it. How the hell do you expect anyone to pay attention to you? No one… NO ONE will come knocking on your door willingly. At least not at first.

You need to have a basic understanding of marketing and how to leverage eyeballs and traffic so you can get people to read your shit. If you are having trouble in this area, may I suggest my in-depth article – 4 SEO Laws Of Online Success. This article is “evergreen” which means no matter how many times Google changes their top secret search algorithm, following my tips will never go outta style. It’s like a classy black dress – party, family gathering, funeral or slutty bar night… it’ll always work.

5. You have no patience.

Ok, lets say you’re a half decent writer, you have a personality, you know what you’re talking about and you started to do some social media marketing along with a few other methods. Yet, you realize the number of people paying attention to you is almost insignificant. What’s wrong?

Nothing! You need to realize that this is NOT an overnight process. Quit your bitching, keep your chin up and keep working, networking, promoting etc. Or if you’re me, a lil bit of harassing as well – it goes a long way. In all honesty, don’t expect traction for a minimum of 6 months if you are serious about gaining something from your blogging efforts. Say it with me “MIN-NI-MUM OF SIX MONTHS”

The ONLY way you can flip your blog “overnight” is if you have like $10,000 to spend on AdWords and you promote the living shit outta your blog or site for 5 days straight – buying every possible ad space on every possible site related to your niche. Truth be told, this is not a bad strategy… but unless you know what the fuck you’re doing and/or have a proper business model in place, you will lose your money faster than Lindsay Lohan lost her virginity.

So there you have it…

Truth be told, not everyone pays attention to me either… and that’s just dandy with me. I’m more of a polarizing writer, which means I cause either black or white emotions. For example, just think of your opinion of me right now, after reading all of that. You probably hate me, or you love me… but I doubt you’re like “oh he’s ok”. And if you do think im “ok”… then screw you. Stop messing up my examples!

The point is, it’s not that hard to get people to listen to you. Specially not in today’s world with all these social applications that keep popping up. You just gotta apply the tips and be willing to put in the work.

While he has a passion for writing and oozes the entrepreneurial spirit, FJ is a Fitness Expert first, and focuses on impeccably accurate advice that is delivered it in a straight forward, No-BS style. Check out his Fitness Blog and E-Training program!

After the initial allure wears off, we all come to the realization that it is indeed hard work to succeed as a blogger. We start focusing more on serious business-building efforts, putting in long hours to create helpful content that inspires others to seek us out.

Our to-do list keeps growing exponentially as more ideas pour out from our minds. We attack each task with a sharp knife, inching closer to what we perceive as the holy grail.

Getting our hands dirty, we promote our work hardcore using tools to spread the word and position ourselves in a market. Never passing up a networking opportunity, we vigorously attempt to connect with anyone that takes a glance at us and rush to influencers at the slightest chance to get our names in front of their eyes.

In the process, are we missing out on opportunities simply because we’re too focused on the work at hand?

Relax. Loosen up. Take a break. Open your Twitter client. Spend some time on Facebook or Linkedin. See what others are doing. Not even when it comes to business, but as real people with real lives. Talk. Interact. Joke around. This is what truly bonds people together and helps build relationships. Not talking ’shop’. Not incessant self-promotion. Not the bottom line.

You can very well make the same impact on someone simply by sharing a common interest outside of business. You can get your “big break” simply stemming from being the person who’s enjoyable to ‘chill’ with.

In a world where so many people can be connected to one another easily, the ability to network has never been more important than it is right now. How are you taking advantage of the opportunity to make an impact? Simply using the tools for work, work, work like most are? Or can you make yourself stand out more by connecting with others as real people?

Put away the business proposal. I’m not interested.

Put away your latest published book. I’m not interested.

Put away everything. Let’s just hang out. Who’s with me?

The stream of @replies on Twitter has been insane.

The wall on my Facebook fan page scrolls down to infinity with requests for this information.

Even my e-mail inbox has been a non-stop barrage of question after question:

• “Jordan, can you please let us see your daily visitor count?”
• “I’m dying to know how many incoming referrals you’re getting back to your blog!”
• “You must be killing it on the Beyond Blogging affiliate sales! How much have you made?”
• “I’ve subscribed to your e-mail list, Jordan. What are the numbers like for it?”
• “What are your goals for this year? Can you please list them in no less than 1500 words?”
• “I say I’m a pro blogger yet I don’t know how to freely view your Google PageRank and Alexa ranking. Can you just tell me?”
• “My name is Nelumba Savimbi. I am sincerely proposing to you to render me your highly needed assistance in respect to safekeeping of some of my Uncle’s money that arose from Diamonds sales. Fine sir, do you have any room left inside Nathan Hangen’s ass?”

Well, I don’t want to let any of you down, especially seeing you’re all clamoring for these answers.

I’m not going to give out all my secrets, though. I’ll save more of my stats for 84 other blog posts this year. If you want this highly sought out information, definitely look out for them. You should be able to tell since I’ll title them: “How I got X statistic in X period of time”.

Here’s what you’ve all wanted. A screenshot of my Google Analytics and income the past month:

You can see yourself in my stats!

The Money I Found In My Couch!