BlogWorld Expo is right around the corner and bloggers from around the globe have been ramped up about the conference event of the year. If you’re not in the know, then where the hell have you been?

It’s time to crack open the piggy bank where you stored the $18 earned off your last eBook launch. Go ahead and pawn off your free Facebook ad coupons on eBay for $5 a piece. Start pushing your blog’s Adsense blocks to the max just to reach Google’s $100 payment threshold.

This is definitely not a conference to miss!

Besides coming to listen to your favorite bloggers drone on about how great they are while you take notes on things you’ve already known and failed to actually do yourself…

Here are ten more good reasons you need to be in Las Vegas for BlogWorld Expo:

10. The bright lights of the city. After you sit in on a day full of panel sessions about how people are totally and utterly oblivious to banner ads… flock with 500 other bloggers to the Carrot Top show only because of the 70 foot neon signs seen from a mile away.

9. Geo-location networking gone mad. Of course, you stupidly ask the cab driver how you can check-in to his taxi on Foursquare. Tip him only a buck just so he goes home thinking the “mayor” is a cheap ass.

8. Joint venture opportunities. Finally, you’re able to collaborate face-to-face with people about “awesome” projects and then totally forget who they are by the following week! Oh, and by the end of the conference, Chris Garrett has brokered enough JV deals that he owns 3 casinos and 14 strip joints.

7. Living it up in the lavish mega-hotels. In sweet internet marketing irony, noticing how the “make money online” bloggers all take penthouse rooms at the Luxor so they’re still on top of one huge pyramid.

6. Buzzwords, buzzwords and more buzzwords. Attend Scott Stratten’s exclusive interview session with legendary Las Vegas acts as he preaches for them to “stop performing, start engaging!” Siegfried & Roy mention how they tried that seven years ago and we all know how that turned out.

5. Picking up hot blogger chicks. Never mind the fact that you’re an awkward introvert and your best attempt at a pick up line is “Girl, I know your fingers must be tired, ’cause you’ve been commenting on my posts all day.”

4. The convention exhibition hall. Walk up and down the aisles and watch two-bit salesmen peddle you wares. Get a hands-on demonstration of a new website that let’s you share content across 45 different platforms. Get another demo of a new WordPress plugin that let’s you share content across 74 different social networks. Get yet another pitch of a pre-release beta Android app that let’s you share content across 168 different sites… from your phone! Then tell all your friends about them everywhere on Ping.fm.

3. Rabid social media groupies. Have fun watching them run down the Las Vegas strip asking bystanders if they know where Chris Brogan is hanging out. Then laugh hysterically when these tourists (and 99% of the population) respond back with the honest retort of “who the fuck is Chris Brogan?”

2. The gambling, of course! Pull up a seat at the blackjack table next to Darren Rowse and watch him conduct important “research” on the new edition of his 31DBBB eBook: 31 Drinks To Become Broke Betting.

1. Me. I’ll be at BlogWorld Expo in Las Vegas from October 14-16 speaking on the unsanctioned milk crate panel in the Mandalay Bay lobby. (that is, until security kicks us out) My talk is about how anyone can speak at conferences even if no one gives a flying fuck about you whatsoever. Consider it a free bonus included in the cost of your conference ticket!

Or don’t. It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to see Carrot Top.

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For Immediate Release:

NEW ALBANY, Indiana. (April 1, 2010) – Not A Pro Blog, the web’s worst blog tips site, today announced that it has been acquired by ProBlogger.net.

This acquisition will be a part of Darren Rowse’s extension of the ‘ProBlogger’ brand and a precursor to his new paid forum for the hopelessly unsuccessful, NotAProBlogger.com – where broke bloggers sabotage each other.

“Blogging continues to grow in popularity, but since no one actually implements my advice – I might as well hedge my bets.” said Rowse on one of his horridly boring UStream chats today. “Not A Pro Blog will put an amazing array of obstacles in front of those copycats wanting to overtake my market dominance.”

“What better brand to align these fundamentally flawed concepts with than Jordan Cooper, a blogger that has consistently taken my advice, yet thoroughly parodied & ridiculed me and my colleagues for just under five months.”

“Some have called me a ‘traitor’ for even considering selling my soul to ProBlogger,” said Cooper, the founder of Not A Pro Blog, “but I’d be a fool not to allow the my brand to seep in, eat away and completely destroy one of the world’s most influential blogs. I’m excited to see how far Darren will fall going backwards.”

The acquisition of Not A Pro Blog will allow Jordan to concentrate on his other projects including his main site – FM-Britain, which peddles worthless digital products about a video game that poor British kids become addicted to quite easily – and an upcoming project – NonScalableBlogging.com with Chris Brogan.

Jordan Cooper will remain a part of Not A Pro Blog where he plans to launch a product with Rowse entitled “31MWWW” – 31 Minutes to Write the Worst Weblog – an alternative to the successful series of a similar name, but geared for those who have no clue and like it that way.

Last minute update:

Upon hearing the news of this merger, Google has immediately voided their purchase of ProBlogger from earlier today.

“Unfortunately, Darren Rowse’s haphazard acquisition of Not A Pro Blog significantly undermines our positioning with his brand”, a representative of the internet giant stated. “Competing against ourselves is not in our business nature, as we already have a firmly planted presence in the ‘fail whale’ marketplace… with Google Buzz and Google Wave.”

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Chris Brogan has talked a lot on his blog about what it takes to be an overnight success. While I appreciate his candor, I think he’s only speaking to a very small demographic that has the chops to make it happen. What about the rest of us who, despite our pathetic attempts at becoming a super awesome social media uber-guru, will never reach those heights… or even 20 unique visitors to our blog? (fingers crossed!) Has Chris forgotten about the little people who exalt him as their savior while they do the complete opposite of what he says?

Well, I’ll speak for you then! For the tens of thousands of wanna-be blogging ninjas and internet rockstars. For the hundreds upon hundreds of fake experts who regurgitate fast-food content and auto-follow their way up on Twitter to boost their worthless self-esteem.

For you, the affiliate marketer who couldn’t sell a blind man a new pair of eyes. For you, the membership site wizard who sells membership site subscriptions to discuss membership sites with people looking to sell membership sites on membership sites. For you, the teenage “living the life” entrepreneurs who still rely on mom and dad’s allowance to pay hosting costs. For you, Blogspot users.

For everyone out there who still has $98.64 to go before receiving their first Adsense check. For everyone out there who networks so poorly, even Tom on MySpace isn’t your friend. For everyone out there who wants to be an overnight success, but knows deep down in their heart that they’re a failure!

Let’s show all the six-figure entrepreneurs making money online that our job takes a lot of hard work too! It’s difficult putting in 45 minutes a day in between watching every episode of Lost (again!) and working as the Clucky’s Chicken advertising mascot! It’s difficult to write about what you know when your “passion” is dropping roofies at high school house parties! It’s difficult to be an overnight success when you don’t even know that “overnight” is only one word!

I will speak for you, my children. What does it take to be an overnight failure?

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