Memphis is known as a city of musical invention, from the Delta blues of Muddy Waters and B.B. King to the country and rockabilly styles of Johnny Cash and Elvis Presley. Memphis’ Beale Street is recognized the world over as the birthplace of the blues.

Yet in this city that heralds this vast creative tradition, how come the comedic art of inspiring laughter seems to fall upon deaf ears time and time again over the past two decades? Sir Laughs A Lot. Comedy House Cafe. The Laugh Factory. Comedy Zone. The Loony Bin. Funny Bone. Comedy Tennessee. These are just seven of the full-time comedy clubs that were not able to last past the fifth year of operation before going out of business. But why is this the case?

From an outsider’s perspective, the city of Memphis just isn’t adept to supporting live stand-up comedy. But with a population of that size, it seems unfathomable that even just attracting a small percentage of local inhabitants can’t sustain a veritable monopoly.

Maybe though, it actually isn’t the city’s apparent cold shoulder that’s been the problem. Maybe it’s just the failure of the “cookie-cutter” comedy club business model combined with lack of solid local marketing initiatives.

While the franchise chains may persuade you otherwise, local brick & mortar businesses are highly affected by the specific proclivities of the surrounding community and customer base. What works in one town may not work in another. Sometimes the approach taken in order to gain success in a local area must be so drastically different, it can’t be copied by anyone, anywhere at all.

Understanding your unique marketplace, competitors, and potential customers are the keys to finding the best and most fruitful direction for your business. Applying a blueprint model without doing so will likely find you in a world of hurt.

Will Memphis finally learn from its past mistakes or is the next comedy club upstart doomed from the get-go?

In addition to his live performances, Andy currently co-hosts a comedy-talk podcast Mostly Comedy with fellow comic Katrina Murrell. For some good laughs, go ahead and follow him on Twitter or check out some of Andy’s video clips on YouTube.

In addition to giving the city of Memphis a huge “WTF?”, Andy and I have a blast discussing:

• Promoting local community events with only word of mouth and no standard advertising.
• The two fundamental problems local businesses have when it comes to top-of-mind marketing.
• Marketing a product with language that potential customers would understand.
• Selling the experience of a live event, not purely a description of what is to take place.
• How directly asking customers “why?” is the easiest way of finding out what works.

Something that you likely don’t really need, want or even care about. But I will still dress it up as if it’s the solution to all your problems.

Hopefully, this will hit some emotional nerve that will magically force you to make a rash decision you will later regret. But of course, you will keep that regret to yourself since it would expose you to the world as a total dumbass.

But you are. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for.

First I must mesmerize you with an eye catching headline.

One that addresses a key benefit of my product, yet greatly inflates the actual result you’ll achieve when applying it.

How about…

Explode your pathetic blog with a massive money shot of traffic splooge and make your reader’s balls fly off in an hysterical avalanche of gushing laugh juice!

Now that I have you hooked in, I have to find your pain point. Something you’ve been struggling with immensely that I can exploit for my own personal gain. Whether or not my product actually solves this problem is irrelevant.

I’m a marketer, not a miracle worker, right?

Have you ever woken up thinking that today will be the day you’ll finally end it all?
Are you tired of editing your suicide note with a new date, only to have to do it again the next day?
Do you know how to tie a noose like an expert but just don’t have a pipe high enough to hang yourself from?

Now that I’ve found the pain point of many of my readers (as you must be suicidal to come to my blog on a regular basis), I must now show why the remedy to all your failings as a human being is being kept from you. That I somehow have gained the super secret knowledge of the gods and will be revealing it to you against the better judgement of all of humanity.

Of course, you would think that I could profit more by keeping these secrets under lock and key using it only for my benefit. But my purpose is greater than that. In fact, I’m only sharing this mysticism because after releasing this product, I am retiring from the earth to the netherworld never to be seen again. That is, until version 2.0 comes out next year.

Yes, even though these are highly sensitive advanced secret techniques used by the gods, I must let you know that they’re as simple as shit. So simple, even your dumbass can do it.

In fact, it’s so easy that even the fake people in my testimonials could do it. C’mon, if fictional characters made up in my sadistic mind could accomplish these feats, it’ll be a piece of cake for you as a real person.

Learn the ancient art of writing funny gut-busting blog posts!
A foolproof system Greek philosophers have kept hidden on buried temple scrolls for 3000 years!
Translated for you in an simple 5-step blueprint even a comatose illiterate can understand and profit from!

Now that I’ve wet your appetite and given you a unnecessary sense of loss, it’s time to bombard you with social proof.

Somehow I have to show you the millions of people achieving unparalleled success with my super awesome blog post writing formula. This is supposed to make you feel more comfortable handing over your money, since if there are tons of other dumbasses who got duped, you won’t feel as bad when you see no results from this overpriced purchase.

Of course, I can’t use actual testimonials. There are none. The only e-mails I’ve received are from those who bought my products previously who have cursed the living shit out of me for producing such garbage. So I’ll just do a little creative editing to highlight the key parts of their correspondence that make my product seem awesome enough to cure cancer.

“I’ve made myself clear more than three times that I want my money back. Thanks for nothing, asshole. I can imagine you don’t give two shits, but by simply ignoring me, I’ll just continue following your scammy ass wherever you go so I can stick this blueprint up your fucking ass.”

Ok, now that you’ve seen a quote from one of my happy customers, it’s time to vomit out exactly what it is you’re going to waste your money on. This will always be displayed inside of what’s known as a “Johnson box”.

Why is it called this, you might ask? Well, it’s because it’s the point of the page where while you’re reading it, I’m sitting at home waving my big ass Johnson at you. All while laughing maniacally at how easily you can be persuaded to take an action simply by placing text inside of a square of dotted lines.

But wait, there’s more! This is supposed to be where I show you 742 other valueless things you get included with this already worthless product. But I won’t bog you down with even more material you’ll fail to actually utilize since this was purely an impulse buy on your part from the get-go. I’ll do even better though. I’m going to double your order!

That’s right, folks. You will get two copies of this purely digital product. Yes, I know you can easily duplicate an mp4 file to your hearts content on your computer – but isn’t it always true that the copy never really lives up to the quality of the original? Now you can have one for your house… and one for your car!

Now that I’m coming to the end of my sales pitch, there’s only one way to wrap it all up. A big fat “add to cart” button.

Never mind the fact that I don’t sell any other products. Never mind the fact that there’s no other option to add any further things to your order. It may just be that my product is filled with just so much damn awesomeness that it’s the only item that can fit into your imaginary pointless virtual shopping cart.

Actually, it’s because if I ask you to “buy now”, then you might actually come to your senses that you don’t need this fucking thing at all. I want to make it as painless as possible for you to open up your wallet without you having to take real accountability for your actions.

Adding something to a cart sounds much friendly in nature as if you’re perusing the produce section at the supermarket. Little do you know how similar it is indeed, since you’re essentially paying for a lemon of a product.

P.S. - I didn’t forget the P.S. section of my sales pitch.

P.P.S. - This is where I remind you again of all the enormous non-value you’re going to get from my product.

P.P.P.S - This is where I make one last ditch attempt at convincing you not to click away.

P.P.P.P.S - At this point, you’ve clicked off this page so it doesn’t matter what I write here anyways.

P.P.P.P.P.S - Seriously, though. This is a real product. That part isn’t a joke. So please buy my shit!

Time spent listening to the radio is now at a 12-year low, and rock music is among the formats suffering the most.

Is it because there is so much competition in the marketplace now for listeners? Or is it because any time you turn on your local station, it seems as if you’re hearing the same 6 songs over and over again in an infinite loop ad nauseum?

Chris Anderson, famously penning the term ‘The Long Tail’, surmises that when distribution channels become plentiful and the cost of production reaches virtually nil, this opens up the door for niche offerings as a whole to overtake the upper echelon of the market. If the past decade’s worth of radio numbers is any indicator, this seems to be the main culprit of the demise of this medium. But does the radio industry even realize that this is the case?

More and more are radio stations cutting back on local and niche programming and preferring to embark in seemingly risk-averse strategies to cut costs and maintain the ad department’s status quo. Through one-size-fits-all voice tracking and the reliance on small music rotations (that only have tracks that score high in generalized focus groups), are radio execs actually compounding their problems by completely ignoring the Long Tail phenomenon & trying to make the “fat head” fit into their business model at all costs?

Joining me on this podcast episode for some wiseass banter is stand-up comedian Spanky Brown. A 12 year veteran of the comedy stage, Spanky can be seen regularly on B.E.T’s Comic View, Comedy Central, is a contributing writer for the nationally syndicated Tom Joyner Show and is heard often as a guest on the Bob & Tom radio show. For some good laughs, go ahead and follow him on Twitter or check out some of Spanky’s video clips on YouTube.

In addition to giving the radio industry a kick in the ass, Spanky and I have a blast discussing:

• How marketing your ‘personal brand’ is an ever-changing variable depending on your demographics.
• The fallacy of executives making journalists into entertainment or comedic figures on the air.
• Why broadcasting talent should bypass the middlemen and go directly to the fans.
• Lebron James and the proliferation of social media & journalistic absurdity in sports marketing.
• The power of the celebrity driven model in marketing products and how the general public are sheep.

The social media industry watched in awe as Old Spice launched one of the most innovative brand campaigns seen this year in digital marketing. It seemed like such a simple concept – ask a question on Twitter and then a sexy, half-naked black man will answer them on YouTube.

With the amount of inherent noise in social media nowadays, what in the world made it such the viral sensation as it proved to be?

The power of organic improvisation. As opposed to a pre-planned quirky “viral video”, the core content in and of itself isn’t the driving force that engrosses and captivates the audience. It’s the sheer fact that each piece of content is being produced “off the cuff” very quickly and custom-tailored based on the changing input of the environment… and the audience knows this clearly.

It’s the same reason why you might laugh at a quick one-line comeback from a buddy, yet sit stone-faced watching a professionally crafted & written comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live. It’s a matter of expectations – and it raises the standards dramatically on the element of surprise required to elicit a chuckle out of a viewing bystander.

Old Spice’s campaign wasn’t hilarious. But it was funny enough compared to what the public expected out of the brand. Do you think just anyone could generate that much buzz answering questions naked on YouTube?

Joining me on this podcast episode for some wiseass banter is stand-up comedian Andy Pitz. Based out of New York City, Andy has been performing for nearly 20 years headlining comedy clubs across the country and has made appearances on the Late Show with David Letterman, the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and CBS’ Star Search. For some good laughs, go ahead and follow him on Twitter or check out some of Andy’s video clips on YouTube.

In addition to poking fun at Old Spice’s recent campaign, Andy and I have a blast discussing:

• Why personalizing a product increases a customer’s emotional attachment to it and the brand.
• The stupidity of businesses putting up Facebook/Twitter signage while supplying no call to action.
• Purposefully avoiding buying a product because of it’s marketing tactics or TV and radio advertisements.
• Putting the blame on marketers for trying to capture the lowest common denominator.
• How come the biggest and most expensive things people can buy are rarely ever advertised at all?

“Sir, what do you do for for a living?”

Whether it be a doctor, accountant, construction worker, mail clerk and so forth… virtually 100% of the time, the answer I’d receive back is easily identifiable, both by myself and the audience. We can very simply put a picture in our collective heads on what this person does as an occupation, his day-to-day tasks on a general level and why others pay him to do it.

After a couple of hackneyed jokes poking fun at the public assumptions based on his chosen line of work, I’d typically ask the audience member follow-up questions to dive deeper into details: (obviously, so I can have more ammunition to create witty comebacks at his expense!)

“What makes you different from other people in your profession? Why the hell should I hire you? What can you do for me?”

At this point, I usually get a stammer or even just a blank stare as the audience member really has no clue how to answer. This shows how often individuals tend to identify more with the stereotype or caricature of their occupation than looking inwards at what makes their story unique amongst the sea of others in their line of work.

Occasionally, I’ll get an answer, but usually in the measurement of how successful they are:

“I work for the #1 peanut butter distributer in the world.”
“I know the pulse of the home furnishings industry more than anyone else.”
“I graduated from the most prestigious culinary school in the country.”

Invariably, my retort back to this is – what the &%$#! does that matter to me?

A unique selling proposition should be focused on the benefits of those being sold, not on the self-promotion of your own individual qualifications. Sure, they may indeed be quite one-of-a-kind, but it doesn’t resonate with the needs of a potential customer.

In addition, your USP must also be easily understood by the lowest common denominator. Sure, those in your industry may know the meaning of the buzzwords & jargon you throw into your elevator pitch… but those who actually will be paying you for your product/services typically are not familiar with it whatsoever. You don’t need to sound smarter than you are or try to impress your peers – just find the simplest way of describing what it is you do and how it satisfies someone’s needs.

I’m a stand-up comic. I make drunk people laugh.

So, what do you do for a living?

Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking you’re just one great article away from fame.

This is the exact type of mentality I see all the time in the comedy industry (as well as my previous experience in the music industry) where people just are waiting for the “big break”. Waiting for that one show, that one time, that one “right place at the right time” moment where an influential big-time producer or agent “discovers” them – and it all comes together in one fell swoop.

So they work on their act continuously and improve their performance as much as they can. They get on stage over and over and over again. Now, this is obviously a worthwhile investment of time in some extent… but too many times I see brilliant performers that should be household names working the same crappy one-nighter gigs in the middle of nowhere. For years. Forever.

Wondering why it hasn’t happened yet.

Getting jaded that less talented individuals are succeeding and they’re not.

Blaming everyone else but themselves.

Always starting out their sentences with “If only” and pointing to external sources.

Convincing themselves that great content will always be found on it’s own.

A screenwriter can write a script, send it out unsolicited to studio executives and film agents, move on to his next project and no matter how brilliant his work is, he easily can end up going absolutely nowhere. No one will ever find out about the Academy Award winning masterpiece as it’s shuffled in with a thousand others piling up on someone’s desk.

Yes, I agree that talent will ultimately decide whether or not his script will be picked up for production once seen, but if no effort is being made by him to actually get it considered, then what can he possibly expect to come out of it barring a complete fluke miracle?

At some point, even a little amount of “marketing” needs to be done. Some way to show his brilliance to those strangers who can help his career and make his work stand out from the crowd. Through utilizing contacts, connections, exposure, press, whatever it takes to increase the chances of great content being found.

Competing against a 100+ scripts being sent to movie studios daily to be read and considered, it’s as simple as finding a way just to get his work to the top of the pile.

Sometimes that’s all it takes… but also takes a load of time, energy & work to accomplish.

Are you just pumping out blog posts waiting for the “right place, right time” moment?

Or are you doing to something to get your blog to the top of other’s piles?

The centerpiece of his “hilariously shocking” rant focuses around David Risley and his recent video post When Comments Begin To HURT Your Blogging Success. Putting the actual issue aside, I think Allyn’s post and blog makes for a great case study (because everyone loves case studies, right?) into the field of comedy, entertainment and editorial commentary.

Why is defining the status of targets in your opinionated editorials important?

• It gives you the proper insight into how your audience will view you.
• It determines how effective you will be achieving the desired reaction from your audience.
• Failure to do so can turn an interesting, valid point of view into being perceived as mudslinging or insults.

Obviously, Allyn Hane doesn’t appear to take any of this into account before recording the verbal vomit that spews from his mouth. From what I gather and perceive, his opinions are completely lost when he does nothing more than cheap shock shtick that appeals to 8th graders and those people who need to put someone else down in order to make themselves feel high and mighty.

It’s horribly unfunny. It has virtually no wit whatsoever. Allyn comes across as arrogant, full of himself, a frat-boy type who boasts about his alcohol tolerance, how great his ‘bitchin’ ride is with its new rims and generally someone who just wants attention in this blogging space to make up for the lack of it in the “real world”. (a term he uses often on his blog)

As examples in this “case study”, check out some of his past videos:

• Red Shoe Bloggers Are Really Just Mad Hatters: Problogger is Full Of Sh*t

This video is where Allyn calls Problogger.com a “gay ass forum” and calls the content on ProBlogger nothing more that “bullshit fluff”. He then makes fun of a “noob” girl’s guest post there (yet says he’s not attacking her in any way) as well as one by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits – minimizing Ally’s own valid SEO viewpoints by reducing it to nearly two minutes of a horrible Indian accent in mockery of the writer’s ethnicity.

• Quit Your Bitching And Learn To Build A List Outside Of MMO You Bastards

This video is where Allyn spends an inordinate amount of time making fun of commenters on another person’s blog using horribly unfunny impressions of foreign accents. He then rants on those that complain about getting MMO offers in their e-mail by communicating his message by way of a deaf, retarded person. Of course, before ending it with “quit your f’ing bitching, you dumbass!”

Now, back to Allyn’s most recent post where he calls out David Risley as well as any A-list blogger for not interacting with their readers regularly enough. He backs up a similar sentiment made by Sire at Wassup Blog on the subject and says that conversing with your potential customers is paramount – unlike Risley’s claim that interacting too much can actually hurt your business by lacking the time to create compelling content.
…building a business means building customers. REALIZE THIS: someone who takes time to comment on your “social” blog is giving you what we call a “buying sign” …meaning they are on the verge of making a purchase, all you have to do is add in a feature and a benefit (like replying to a comment on the blog) and then CLOSE!
- Allyn Hane
Taking Allyn’s viewpoint into account, I’d now like to present you with brand new edition of…

Practice What You Preach: When Hypocrisy Attacks!

In this episode, I go on the road and visit Allyn Hane’s outposts in the social media landscape. I take a look at how he conducts himself when it comes to interacting with his community, readers, followers, friends, fans and potential customers of his business endeavors.

Nearly 1500 followers @allynpaul has got there. I’m sure it would be highly beneficial to connect with these potential customers, but apparently Allyn has failed to do so. Only one @reply this past month and it’s pretty much based around a hashtag seemingly created to self-promote his beer business. The rest of Allyn’s messages are mostly self-centered in nature – either to push a new piece of content or just to talk about himself. I’m sure his 1,467 “potential customers” must really appreciate the constant lack of interaction!

Nevermind the fact Allyn’s @BigBeerBlog only has 64 followers, it’s still probably important that he connects with these “customers” on a deeper level. Hmmm… 9 tweets in nearly 4 months… and they’re virtually all pushing his own content. Oh, wait! There’s an @reply in there somewhere… it’s a late reply thanking someone for a retweet. I’m sure it was just because Allyn was concentrating more of his interactions on another platform…

I guess I was wrong. At least Allyn apologized for not conversing with his “customers” for a good whole month. Plus he shared a recommendation for a Make Money Online blogger… even though half his blog posts seem to scream “don’t listen to any of those internet marketers!”

It’s nice to see that Allyn has apologized yet again for not being responsive enough at replying to comments on his Facebook fan wall. It’s because he didn’t know how to actually find them! That makes sense… a blogger who rants about internet marketing in the landscape of social media and how it’s imperative to connect with your customers doesn’t have a clue how to do so. Nothing new here.

That’s ok, Allyn. I’m sure you were just busy working on content for your niche sites that are actually bringing in money as a business. Wait a minute… isn’t that exactly what David Risley is doing? Spending more time creating media & materials for interested customers instead of focusing on replying to comments and interacting regularly with his reader community… you know, working on the tangible assets that actually bring cash in to support the family!

I must admit though, Allyn is very good at responding to comments on his own blog. Apparently, communicating with potential “customers” only applies when they come to him. We all know that social media is all about me, me, me, right? To give him some credit, I’ve also seen him around on occasion commenting on other’s blogs… but I’m not sure how genuine they are since this SEO-proponent self to a cult-like degree actively boasts that he’s “just building backlinks, it’s the shiz!”.

To further bring out the hypocrisy in Allyn’s behavior and his recent post… he doesn’t mention that David Risley though, used Backtype to find another blogger’s post that brought up his namesake and then went there (to his “potential customers”) and got involved with the conversation. Not for backlinks. Not to pitch anything or talk about himself incessantly, but to do exactly what Allyn claims he doesn’t do – interact with the community.

Unfortunately, Allyn probably doesn’t have much experience with this since apparently no one is talking about him anywhere anyways. Maybe that’s why he needs to resort to blatantly obvious link baiting post titles and calling everyone more successful than him a “fuckface” or a “douchebag” – or making up for his own lack of talent by using immature frat-boy humor and “shock” tactics to get people to pay attention to him at all costs.

What can we all learn from this case study of Allyn Hane?

First and foremost, as I’ve said recently about how the small fry always loses – you really have to do your due diligence before slinging mud at people.

But back to the main point, you must be able to define who or what the target is and weigh that into your considerations on how to approach a piece of editorial content. Your opinion and message can be considerably skewed and taken much differently than intended solely on how you’re perceived in the presentation of it. What you think of as “funny” or “outrageous” may be thought of by readers as anywhere from offensive to completely abusive.

A-list bloggers can definitely be fair game as being targets “above” the audience, but if you’re going with a “man of the people” approach, you can’t also make fun of those who reside “below” or at the line. You must consider your relative status in comparison to the subjects at hand as well as your relative status to the audience. The direction in which the target lies in the scope of your viewpoint will determine the most effective way of getting your point across. Without keeping this in mind, it’s possible that a very interesting idea that can open up great discussion will be lost in between your poor attempts to “spice things up” or shock others.

And I think Allyn Hane definitely has some valid opinions that I happen to agree with in some capacity. I just wish he’d try to grow up with his taste in humor, either by focusing on the joke itself and making it more clever, sarcastic or subtle… or at least stop making the butt of all of his “jokes” people that are looked at below the level of him and the audience.

Are you taking the status of your targets into account before you write an opinionated editorial or humor piece?