Posts Tagged ‘fail’
5 Reasons Why No One Pays Attention To Your Content
This is a guest post by Fit Jerk riddled with brutal, brash, unrelenting honesty. (and that’s why I love the dude!)
When you combine all the hoo-haa from the big time names in blogging (Seth Godin, Gary Vaynerchuk, Darren Rowse, Chris Brogan etc), you start to see things differently. You start to believe in blogging. Hell, you start to believe that that YOU can blog and MAKE IT! These guys and gals pump you up, they motivate you and tell you to get your word out there and be successful.
So off you go, starting your own blog in hopes of becoming “pro” and after some time a grave realization comes up on you when you find out that… No one gives a flying poodle shit about what you have to say!
Now we obviously know why this is a problem. So I decided I’m gonna do something about this and help out the ones that are being ignored. I have taken the time to pint-point five areas in blogging where you might be weak (it could be all of them) and then provided a little cure so you can turn it into your strength. Don’t get all offended if I nail the problem in the head about you or your blog… it happens. You’ll get through it, I promise… Maybe. Let’s get on with it.
1. You suck.
I mean, plain and simple… you just suck. You couldn’t string words together into a sentence if your life depended on it. In fact, if humanity’s sole survival depended on you writing a half-decent paragraph, you’d be responsible for wiping out our entire fucking species. That’s a lot of sucking.
BUT… luckily for you, it’s not the end of the world. Why? Well first of all, humanity doesn’t depend on you (thank the lord). And second of all, if you suck, you can do something about it. You can either switch mediums to get your message across (like Gary Vaynerchuk… he is a terrible writer so he dictated his book to someone who could write and is a video blogger himself) OR you can learn how not to suck… and blow shit outta the water instead. This is what I did. I was a sucky-ass writer, so I decided to read, learn and practice till people went from “WTF is this dude?” to “This is half decent” – and to me, that was good enough to start with.
And now just look at me, I’ve made it in life! I’m all prestigious, world-famous and guest posting on… Not A Pro Blog! Damn, never mind. I still love you Jordan.
2. You fail to make an impression – people forget you.
Or to put it in other words… you’re boring as fuck. You couldn’t hold the attention span of a tied down sloth. Technically you can write, but your content reads like a math text book. It puts people to sleep and causes zero emotional excitement. I think the authors of this type of content should pay ME to read their crap. Id rather look at dull gray skies and watch King Of The Hill… at least there’s a small chance I might have a good time.
If you fall into this category, then the first thing you need to do is start living a more exciting life. I don’t give a shit if you’re an introvert… so is Darren Rowse, yet he found a way to write compelling content for the masses. So why can’t you?
Then go take some improv lessons… or better yet, tell Jordan that you’ll give him sexual favors in exchange for some comedy training. Also, reading content by other authors who are considered to be “good” or “great” isn’t a bad idea. And no, reading my shit doesn’t constitute it as being “great” content.
… Its actually constitutes as be phenomenal!
3. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.
This one is almost incurable… simply because these people can’t accept that they’re wrong and keep talking out of their asses. I mean, the truth could come and whack them on the ass with a 2×4 and they’ll just find that kinky as hell. What really bugs me is that sometimes these people don’t suck at writing and actually have a personality… but if they only did some god damn research before opening their pie hole, I wouldn’t want to punch them in the face.
But, I did say “almost”. If you happen to fall into this category… it’s OK to accept it. I forgive your ignorant ass, just move on and better yourself. Don’t keep spewing out the same nonsense over and over again, change it up. Be more real. Be thought provoking… then see how people actually pay attention to you.
4. You can’t promote for shit.
As in, if you were a club promoter… that place would be out of business faster than the Betamax. If you don’t know how to put your content in front of eyeballs, then forget it. How the hell do you expect anyone to pay attention to you? No one… NO ONE will come knocking on your door willingly. At least not at first.
You need to have a basic understanding of marketing and how to leverage eyeballs and traffic so you can get people to read your shit. If you are having trouble in this area, may I suggest my in-depth article – 4 SEO Laws Of Online Success. This article is “evergreen” which means no matter how many times Google changes their top secret search algorithm, following my tips will never go outta style. It’s like a classy black dress – party, family gathering, funeral or slutty bar night… it’ll always work.
5. You have no patience.
Ok, lets say you’re a half decent writer, you have a personality, you know what you’re talking about and you started to do some social media marketing along with a few other methods. Yet, you realize the number of people paying attention to you is almost insignificant. What’s wrong?
Nothing! You need to realize that this is NOT an overnight process. Quit your bitching, keep your chin up and keep working, networking, promoting etc. Or if you’re me, a lil bit of harassing as well – it goes a long way. In all honesty, don’t expect traction for a minimum of 6 months if you are serious about gaining something from your blogging efforts. Say it with me “MIN-NI-MUM OF SIX MONTHS”
The ONLY way you can flip your blog “overnight” is if you have like $10,000 to spend on AdWords and you promote the living shit outta your blog or site for 5 days straight – buying every possible ad space on every possible site related to your niche. Truth be told, this is not a bad strategy… but unless you know what the fuck you’re doing and/or have a proper business model in place, you will lose your money faster than Lindsay Lohan lost her virginity.
So there you have it…
Truth be told, not everyone pays attention to me either… and that’s just dandy with me. I’m more of a polarizing writer, which means I cause either black or white emotions. For example, just think of your opinion of me right now, after reading all of that. You probably hate me, or you love me… but I doubt you’re like “oh he’s ok”. And if you do think im “ok”… then screw you. Stop messing up my examples!
The point is, it’s not that hard to get people to listen to you. Specially not in today’s world with all these social applications that keep popping up. You just gotta apply the tips and be willing to put in the work.
While he has a passion for writing and oozes the entrepreneurial spirit, FJ is a Fitness Expert first, and focuses on impeccably accurate advice that is delivered it in a straight forward, No-BS style. Check out his Fitness Blog and E-Training program!
Not A Pro Blog Acquired By ProBlogger
For Immediate Release:
NEW ALBANY, Indiana. (April 1, 2010) – Not A Pro Blog, the web’s worst blog tips site, today announced that it has been acquired by ProBlogger.net.
This acquisition will be a part of Darren Rowse’s extension of the ‘ProBlogger’ brand and a precursor to his new paid forum for the hopelessly unsuccessful, NotAProBlogger.com – where broke bloggers sabotage each other.
“Blogging continues to grow in popularity, but since no one actually implements my advice – I might as well hedge my bets.” said Rowse on one of his horridly boring UStream chats today. “Not A Pro Blog will put an amazing array of obstacles in front of those copycats wanting to overtake my market dominance.”
“What better brand to align these fundamentally flawed concepts with than Jordan Cooper, a blogger that has consistently taken my advice, yet thoroughly parodied & ridiculed me and my colleagues for just under five months.”
“Some have called me a ‘traitor’ for even considering selling my soul to ProBlogger,” said Cooper, the founder of Not A Pro Blog, “but I’d be a fool not to allow the my brand to seep in, eat away and completely destroy one of the world’s most influential blogs. I’m excited to see how far Darren will fall going backwards.”
The acquisition of Not A Pro Blog will allow Jordan to concentrate on his other projects including his main site – FM-Britain, which peddles worthless digital products about a video game that poor British kids become addicted to quite easily – and an upcoming project – NonScalableBlogging.com with Chris Brogan.
Jordan Cooper will remain a part of Not A Pro Blog where he plans to launch a product with Rowse entitled “31MWWW” – 31 Minutes to Write the Worst Weblog – an alternative to the successful series of a similar name, but geared for those who have no clue and like it that way.
Last minute update:
Upon hearing the news of this merger, Google has immediately voided their purchase of ProBlogger from earlier today.
“Unfortunately, Darren Rowse’s haphazard acquisition of Not A Pro Blog significantly undermines our positioning with his brand”, a representative of the internet giant stated. “Competing against ourselves is not in our business nature, as we already have a firmly planted presence in the ‘fail whale’ marketplace… with Google Buzz and Google Wave.”



Defining Status of Targets In Your Blog Editorials: A Case Study of Allyn Hane
December 29th, 2009 | Posted in Uncategorized | By Jordan Cooper | View Comments
I just recently came across Blogger Illustrated run by “Master Of My Own Domain” video blogger Allyn Hane. Tying into the subject I discussed in an earlier post about feuds and personal attacks, his most recent video When A-List Turns To A-Hole addresses the issue of blog commenting and regular interaction with readers – including Allyn’s “outrageous” take that highly successful bloggers are “douchebags” and “fuckfaces”.
The centerpiece of his “hilariously shocking” rant focuses around David Risley and his recent video post When Comments Begin To HURT Your Blogging Success. Putting the actual issue aside, I think Allyn’s post and blog makes for a great case study (because everyone loves case studies, right?) into the field of comedy, entertainment and editorial commentary.
Why is defining the status of targets in your opinionated editorials important?
Obviously, Allyn Hane doesn’t appear to take any of this into account before recording the verbal vomit that spews from his mouth. From what I gather and perceive, his opinions are completely lost when he does nothing more than cheap shock shtick that appeals to 8th graders and those people who need to put someone else down in order to make themselves feel high and mighty.
It’s horribly unfunny. It has virtually no wit whatsoever. Allyn comes across as arrogant, full of himself, a frat-boy type who boasts about his alcohol tolerance, how great his ‘bitchin’ ride is with its new rims and generally someone who just wants attention in this blogging space to make up for the lack of it in the “real world”. (a term he uses often on his blog)
As examples in this “case study”, check out some of his past videos:
This video is where Allyn calls Problogger.com a “gay ass forum” and calls the content on ProBlogger nothing more that “bullshit fluff”. He then makes fun of a “noob” girl’s guest post there (yet says he’s not attacking her in any way) as well as one by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits – minimizing Ally’s own valid SEO viewpoints by reducing it to nearly two minutes of a horrible Indian accent in mockery of the writer’s ethnicity.
This video is where Allyn spends an inordinate amount of time making fun of commenters on another person’s blog using horribly unfunny impressions of foreign accents. He then rants on those that complain about getting MMO offers in their e-mail by communicating his message by way of a deaf, retarded person. Of course, before ending it with “quit your f’ing bitching, you dumbass!”
Now, back to Allyn’s most recent post where he calls out David Risley as well as any A-list blogger for not interacting with their readers regularly enough. He backs up a similar sentiment made by Sire at Wassup Blog on the subject and says that conversing with your potential customers is paramount – unlike Risley’s claim that interacting too much can actually hurt your business by lacking the time to create compelling content.
…building a business means building customers. REALIZE THIS: someone who takes time to comment on your “social” blog is giving you what we call a “buying sign” …meaning they are on the verge of making a purchase, all you have to do is add in a feature and a benefit (like replying to a comment on the blog) and then CLOSE!
- Allyn Hane
Taking Allyn’s viewpoint into account, I’d now like to present you with brand new edition of…
Practice What You Preach: When Hypocrisy Attacks!
In this episode, I go on the road and visit Allyn Hane’s outposts in the social media landscape. I take a look at how he conducts himself when it comes to interacting with his community, readers, followers, friends, fans and potential customers of his business endeavors.
Nearly 1500 followers @allynpaul has got there. I’m sure it would be highly beneficial to connect with these potential customers, but apparently Allyn has failed to do so. Only one @reply this past month and it’s pretty much based around a hashtag seemingly created to self-promote his beer business. The rest of Allyn’s messages are mostly self-centered in nature – either to push a new piece of content or just to talk about himself. I’m sure his 1,467 “potential customers” must really appreciate the constant lack of interaction!
Nevermind the fact Allyn’s @BigBeerBlog only has 64 followers, it’s still probably important that he connects with these “customers” on a deeper level. Hmmm… 9 tweets in nearly 4 months… and they’re virtually all pushing his own content. Oh, wait! There’s an @reply in there somewhere… it’s a late reply thanking someone for a retweet. I’m sure it was just because Allyn was concentrating more of his interactions on another platform…
I guess I was wrong. At least Allyn apologized for not conversing with his “customers” for a good whole month. Plus he shared a recommendation for a Make Money Online blogger… even though half his blog posts seem to scream “don’t listen to any of those internet marketers!”
It’s nice to see that Allyn has apologized yet again for not being responsive enough at replying to comments on his Facebook fan wall. It’s because he didn’t know how to actually find them! That makes sense… a blogger who rants about internet marketing in the landscape of social media and how it’s imperative to connect with your customers doesn’t have a clue how to do so. Nothing new here.
That’s ok, Allyn. I’m sure you were just busy working on content for your niche sites that are actually bringing in money as a business. Wait a minute… isn’t that exactly what David Risley is doing? Spending more time creating media & materials for interested customers instead of focusing on replying to comments and interacting regularly with his reader community… you know, working on the tangible assets that actually bring cash in to support the family!
I must admit though, Allyn is very good at responding to comments on his own blog. Apparently, communicating with potential “customers” only applies when they come to him. We all know that social media is all about me, me, me, right? To give him some credit, I’ve also seen him around on occasion commenting on other’s blogs… but I’m not sure how genuine they are since this SEO-proponent self to a cult-like degree actively boasts that he’s “just building backlinks, it’s the shiz!”.
To further bring out the hypocrisy in Allyn’s behavior and his recent post… he doesn’t mention that David Risley though, used Backtype to find another blogger’s post that brought up his namesake and then went there (to his “potential customers”) and got involved with the conversation. Not for backlinks. Not to pitch anything or talk about himself incessantly, but to do exactly what Allyn claims he doesn’t do – interact with the community.
Unfortunately, Allyn probably doesn’t have much experience with this since apparently no one is talking about him anywhere anyways. Maybe that’s why he needs to resort to blatantly obvious link baiting post titles and calling everyone more successful than him a “fuckface” or a “douchebag” – or making up for his own lack of talent by using immature frat-boy humor and “shock” tactics to get people to pay attention to him at all costs.
What can we all learn from this case study of Allyn Hane?
First and foremost, as I’ve said recently about how the small fry always loses – you really have to do your due diligence before slinging mud at people.
But back to the main point, you must be able to define who or what the target is and weigh that into your considerations on how to approach a piece of editorial content. Your opinion and message can be considerably skewed and taken much differently than intended solely on how you’re perceived in the presentation of it. What you think of as “funny” or “outrageous” may be thought of by readers as anywhere from offensive to completely abusive.
A-list bloggers can definitely be fair game as being targets “above” the audience, but if you’re going with a “man of the people” approach, you can’t also make fun of those who reside “below” or at the line. You must consider your relative status in comparison to the subjects at hand as well as your relative status to the audience. The direction in which the target lies in the scope of your viewpoint will determine the most effective way of getting your point across. Without keeping this in mind, it’s possible that a very interesting idea that can open up great discussion will be lost in between your poor attempts to “spice things up” or shock others.
And I think Allyn Hane definitely has some valid opinions that I happen to agree with in some capacity. I just wish he’d try to grow up with his taste in humor, either by focusing on the joke itself and making it more clever, sarcastic or subtle… or at least stop making the butt of all of his “jokes” people that are looked at below the level of him and the audience.
Are you taking the status of your targets into account before you write an opinionated editorial or humor piece?