Posts Tagged ‘fail’

5 Reasons Why No One Pays Attention To Your Content

5 Reasons Why No One Pays Attention To Your Content

This is a guest post by Fit Jerk riddled with brutal, brash, unrelenting honesty. (and that’s why I love the dude!)

When you combine all the hoo-haa from the big time names in blogging (Seth Godin, Gary Vaynerchuk, Darren Rowse, Chris Brogan etc), you start to see things differently. You start to believe in blogging. Hell, you start to believe that that YOU can blog and MAKE IT! These guys and gals pump you up, they motivate you and tell you to get your word out there and be successful.

So off you go, starting your own blog in hopes of becoming “pro” and after some time a grave realization comes up on you when you find out that… No one gives a flying poodle shit about what you have to say!

Now we obviously know why this is a problem. So I decided I’m gonna do something about this and help out the ones that are being ignored. I have taken the time to pint-point five areas in blogging where you might be weak (it could be all of them) and then provided a little cure so you can turn it into your strength. Don’t get all offended if I nail the problem in the head about you or your blog… it happens. You’ll get through it, I promise… Maybe. Let’s get on with it.

1. You suck.

I mean, plain and simple… you just suck. You couldn’t string words together into a sentence if your life depended on it. In fact, if humanity’s sole survival depended on you writing a half-decent paragraph, you’d be responsible for wiping out our entire fucking species. That’s a lot of sucking.

BUT… luckily for you, it’s not the end of the world. Why? Well first of all, humanity doesn’t depend on you (thank the lord). And second of all, if you suck, you can do something about it. You can either switch mediums to get your message across (like Gary Vaynerchuk… he is a terrible writer so he dictated his book to someone who could write and is a video blogger himself) OR you can learn how not to suck… and blow shit outta the water instead. This is what I did. I was a sucky-ass writer, so I decided to read, learn and practice till people went from “WTF is this dude?” to “This is half decent” – and to me, that was good enough to start with.

And now just look at me, I’ve made it in life! I’m all prestigious, world-famous and guest posting on… Not A Pro Blog! Damn, never mind. I still love you Jordan.

2. You fail to make an impression – people forget you.

Or to put it in other words… you’re boring as fuck. You couldn’t hold the attention span of a tied down sloth. Technically you can write, but your content reads like a math text book. It puts people to sleep and causes zero emotional excitement. I think the authors of this type of content should pay ME to read their crap. Id rather look at dull gray skies and watch King Of The Hill… at least there’s a small chance I might have a good time.

If you fall into this category, then the first thing you need to do is start living a more exciting life. I don’t give a shit if you’re an introvert… so is Darren Rowse, yet he found a way to write compelling content for the masses. So why can’t you?

Then go take some improv lessons… or better yet, tell Jordan that you’ll give him sexual favors in exchange for some comedy training. Also, reading content by other authors who are considered to be “good” or “great” isn’t a bad idea. And no, reading my shit doesn’t constitute it as being “great” content.

… Its actually constitutes as be phenomenal! ;)

3. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

This one is almost incurable… simply because these people can’t accept that they’re wrong and keep talking out of their asses. I mean, the truth could come and whack them on the ass with a 2×4 and they’ll just find that kinky as hell. What really bugs me is that sometimes these people don’t suck at writing and actually have a personality… but if they only did some god damn research before opening their pie hole, I wouldn’t want to punch them in the face.

But, I did say “almost”. If you happen to fall into this category… it’s OK to accept it. I forgive your ignorant ass, just move on and better yourself. Don’t keep spewing out the same nonsense over and over again, change it up. Be more real. Be thought provoking… then see how people actually pay attention to you.

4. You can’t promote for shit.

As in, if you were a club promoter… that place would be out of business faster than the Betamax. If you don’t know how to put your content in front of eyeballs, then forget it. How the hell do you expect anyone to pay attention to you? No one… NO ONE will come knocking on your door willingly. At least not at first.

You need to have a basic understanding of marketing and how to leverage eyeballs and traffic so you can get people to read your shit. If you are having trouble in this area, may I suggest my in-depth article – 4 SEO Laws Of Online Success. This article is “evergreen” which means no matter how many times Google changes their top secret search algorithm, following my tips will never go outta style. It’s like a classy black dress – party, family gathering, funeral or slutty bar night… it’ll always work.

5. You have no patience.

Ok, lets say you’re a half decent writer, you have a personality, you know what you’re talking about and you started to do some social media marketing along with a few other methods. Yet, you realize the number of people paying attention to you is almost insignificant. What’s wrong?

Nothing! You need to realize that this is NOT an overnight process. Quit your bitching, keep your chin up and keep working, networking, promoting etc. Or if you’re me, a lil bit of harassing as well – it goes a long way. In all honesty, don’t expect traction for a minimum of 6 months if you are serious about gaining something from your blogging efforts. Say it with me “MIN-NI-MUM OF SIX MONTHS”

The ONLY way you can flip your blog “overnight” is if you have like $10,000 to spend on AdWords and you promote the living shit outta your blog or site for 5 days straight – buying every possible ad space on every possible site related to your niche. Truth be told, this is not a bad strategy… but unless you know what the fuck you’re doing and/or have a proper business model in place, you will lose your money faster than Lindsay Lohan lost her virginity.

So there you have it…

Truth be told, not everyone pays attention to me either… and that’s just dandy with me. I’m more of a polarizing writer, which means I cause either black or white emotions. For example, just think of your opinion of me right now, after reading all of that. You probably hate me, or you love me… but I doubt you’re like “oh he’s ok”. And if you do think im “ok”… then screw you. Stop messing up my examples!

The point is, it’s not that hard to get people to listen to you. Specially not in today’s world with all these social applications that keep popping up. You just gotta apply the tips and be willing to put in the work.

While he has a passion for writing and oozes the entrepreneurial spirit, FJ is a Fitness Expert first, and focuses on impeccably accurate advice that is delivered it in a straight forward, No-BS style. Check out his Fitness Blog and E-Training program!

Not A Pro Blog Acquired By ProBlogger

Not A Pro Blog Acquired By ProBlogger

For Immediate Release:

NEW ALBANY, Indiana. (April 1, 2010) – Not A Pro Blog, the web’s worst blog tips site, today announced that it has been acquired by ProBlogger.net.

This acquisition will be a part of Darren Rowse’s extension of the ‘ProBlogger’ brand and a precursor to his new paid forum for the hopelessly unsuccessful, NotAProBlogger.com – where broke bloggers sabotage each other.

“Blogging continues to grow in popularity, but since no one actually implements my advice – I might as well hedge my bets.” said Rowse on one of his horridly boring UStream chats today. “Not A Pro Blog will put an amazing array of obstacles in front of those copycats wanting to overtake my market dominance.”

“What better brand to align these fundamentally flawed concepts with than Jordan Cooper, a blogger that has consistently taken my advice, yet thoroughly parodied & ridiculed me and my colleagues for just under five months.”

“Some have called me a ‘traitor’ for even considering selling my soul to ProBlogger,” said Cooper, the founder of Not A Pro Blog, “but I’d be a fool not to allow the my brand to seep in, eat away and completely destroy one of the world’s most influential blogs. I’m excited to see how far Darren will fall going backwards.”

The acquisition of Not A Pro Blog will allow Jordan to concentrate on his other projects including his main site – FM-Britain, which peddles worthless digital products about a video game that poor British kids become addicted to quite easily – and an upcoming project – NonScalableBlogging.com with Chris Brogan.

Jordan Cooper will remain a part of Not A Pro Blog where he plans to launch a product with Rowse entitled “31MWWW” – 31 Minutes to Write the Worst Weblog – an alternative to the successful series of a similar name, but geared for those who have no clue and like it that way.

Last minute update:

Upon hearing the news of this merger, Google has immediately voided their purchase of ProBlogger from earlier today.

“Unfortunately, Darren Rowse’s haphazard acquisition of Not A Pro Blog significantly undermines our positioning with his brand”, a representative of the internet giant stated. “Competing against ourselves is not in our business nature, as we already have a firmly planted presence in the ‘fail whale’ marketplace… with Google Buzz and Google Wave.”

Defining Status of Targets In Your Blog Editorials: A Case Study of Allyn Hane

Defining Status of Targets In Your Blog Editorials: A Case Study of Allyn Hane

I just recently came across Blogger Illustrated run by “Master Of My Own Domain” video blogger Allyn Hane. Tying into the subject I discussed in an earlier post about feuds and personal attacks, his most recent video When A-List Turns To A-Hole addresses the issue of blog commenting and regular interaction with readers – including Allyn’s “outrageous” take that highly successful bloggers are “douchebags” and “fuckfaces”.

The centerpiece of his “hilariously shocking” rant focuses around David Risley and his recent video post When Comments Begin To HURT Your Blogging Success. Putting the actual issue aside, I think Allyn’s post and blog makes for a great case study (because everyone loves case studies, right?) into the field of comedy, entertainment and editorial commentary.

Why is defining the status of targets in your opinionated editorials important?
  • It gives you the proper insight into how your audience will view you.
  • It determines how effective you will be achieving the desired reaction from your audience.
  • Failure to do so can turn an interesting, valid point of view into being perceived as mudslinging or insults.

Obviously, Allyn Hane doesn’t appear to take any of this into account before recording the verbal vomit that spews from his mouth. From what I gather and perceive, his opinions are completely lost when he does nothing more than cheap shock shtick that appeals to 8th graders and those people who need to put someone else down in order to make themselves feel high and mighty.

It’s horribly unfunny. It has virtually no wit whatsoever. Allyn comes across as arrogant, full of himself, a frat-boy type who boasts about his alcohol tolerance, how great his ‘bitchin’ ride is with its new rims and generally someone who just wants attention in this blogging space to make up for the lack of it in the “real world”. (a term he uses often on his blog)

As examples in this “case study”, check out some of his past videos:

This video is where Allyn calls Problogger.com a “gay ass forum” and calls the content on ProBlogger nothing more that “bullshit fluff”. He then makes fun of a “noob” girl’s guest post there (yet says he’s not attacking her in any way) as well as one by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits – minimizing Ally’s own valid SEO viewpoints by reducing it to nearly two minutes of a horrible Indian accent in mockery of the writer’s ethnicity.

This video is where Allyn spends an inordinate amount of time making fun of commenters on another person’s blog using horribly unfunny impressions of foreign accents. He then rants on those that complain about getting MMO offers in their e-mail by communicating his message by way of a deaf, retarded person. Of course, before ending it with “quit your f’ing bitching, you dumbass!”

Now, back to Allyn’s most recent post where he calls out David Risley as well as any A-list blogger for not interacting with their readers regularly enough. He backs up a similar sentiment made by Sire at Wassup Blog on the subject and says that conversing with your potential customers is paramount – unlike Risley’s claim that interacting too much can actually hurt your business by lacking the time to create compelling content.
…building a business means building customers. REALIZE THIS: someone who takes time to comment on your “social” blog is giving you what we call a “buying sign” …meaning they are on the verge of making a purchase, all you have to do is add in a feature and a benefit (like replying to a comment on the blog) and then CLOSE!
- Allyn Hane
Taking Allyn’s viewpoint into account, I’d now like to present you with brand new edition of…

Practice What You Preach: When Hypocrisy Attacks!

In this episode, I go on the road and visit Allyn Hane’s outposts in the social media landscape. I take a look at how he conducts himself when it comes to interacting with his community, readers, followers, friends, fans and potential customers of his business endeavors.

allyntwitter1 Defining Status of Targets In Your Blog Editorials: A Case Study of Allyn Hane

Nearly 1500 followers @allynpaul has got there. I’m sure it would be highly beneficial to connect with these potential customers, but apparently Allyn has failed to do so. Only one @reply this past month and it’s pretty much based around a hashtag seemingly created to self-promote his beer business. The rest of Allyn’s messages are mostly self-centered in nature – either to push a new piece of content or just to talk about himself. I’m sure his 1,467 “potential customers” must really appreciate the constant lack of interaction!

allyntwitter2 Defining Status of Targets In Your Blog Editorials: A Case Study of Allyn Hane

Nevermind the fact Allyn’s @BigBeerBlog only has 64 followers, it’s still probably important that he connects with these “customers” on a deeper level. Hmmm… 9 tweets in nearly 4 months… and they’re virtually all pushing his own content. Oh, wait! There’s an @reply in there somewhere… it’s a late reply thanking someone for a retweet. I’m sure it was just because Allyn was concentrating more of his interactions on another platform…

allynfacebook1 Defining Status of Targets In Your Blog Editorials: A Case Study of Allyn Hane

I guess I was wrong. At least Allyn apologized for not conversing with his “customers” for a good whole month. Plus he shared a recommendation for a Make Money Online blogger… even though half his blog posts seem to scream “don’t listen to any of those internet marketers!”

allynfacebook2 Defining Status of Targets In Your Blog Editorials: A Case Study of Allyn Hane

It’s nice to see that Allyn has apologized yet again for not being responsive enough at replying to comments on his Facebook fan wall. It’s because he didn’t know how to actually find them! That makes sense… a blogger who rants about internet marketing in the landscape of social media and how it’s imperative to connect with your customers doesn’t have a clue how to do so. Nothing new here.

allynfacebook3 Defining Status of Targets In Your Blog Editorials: A Case Study of Allyn Hane

That’s ok, Allyn. I’m sure you were just busy working on content for your niche sites that are actually bringing in money as a business. Wait a minute… isn’t that exactly what David Risley is doing? Spending more time creating media & materials for interested customers instead of focusing on replying to comments and interacting regularly with his reader community… you know, working on the tangible assets that actually bring cash in to support the family!

I must admit though, Allyn is very good at responding to comments on his own blog. Apparently, communicating with potential “customers” only applies when they come to him. We all know that social media is all about me, me, me, right? To give him some credit, I’ve also seen him around on occasion commenting on other’s blogs… but I’m not sure how genuine they are since this SEO-proponent self to a cult-like degree actively boasts that he’s “just building backlinks, it’s the shiz!”.

To further bring out the hypocrisy in Allyn’s behavior and his recent post… he doesn’t mention that David Risley though, used Backtype to find another blogger’s post that brought up his namesake and then went there (to his “potential customers”) and got involved with the conversation. Not for backlinks. Not to pitch anything or talk about himself incessantly, but to do exactly what Allyn claims he doesn’t do – interact with the community.

Unfortunately, Allyn probably doesn’t have much experience with this since apparently no one is talking about him anywhere anyways. Maybe that’s why he needs to resort to blatantly obvious link baiting post titles and calling everyone more successful than him a “fuckface” or a “douchebag” – or making up for his own lack of talent by using immature frat-boy humor and “shock” tactics to get people to pay attention to him at all costs.

What can we all learn from this case study of Allyn Hane?

First and foremost, as I’ve said recently about how the small fry always loses – you really have to do your due diligence before slinging mud at people.

But back to the main point, you must be able to define who or what the target is and weigh that into your considerations on how to approach a piece of editorial content. Your opinion and message can be considerably skewed and taken much differently than intended solely on how you’re perceived in the presentation of it. What you think of as “funny” or “outrageous” may be thought of by readers as anywhere from offensive to completely abusive.

A-list bloggers can definitely be fair game as being targets “above” the audience, but if you’re going with a “man of the people” approach, you can’t also make fun of those who reside “below” or at the line. You must consider your relative status in comparison to the subjects at hand as well as your relative status to the audience. The direction in which the target lies in the scope of your viewpoint will determine the most effective way of getting your point across. Without keeping this in mind, it’s possible that a very interesting idea that can open up great discussion will be lost in between your poor attempts to “spice things up” or shock others.

And I think Allyn Hane definitely has some valid opinions that I happen to agree with in some capacity. I just wish he’d try to grow up with his taste in humor, either by focusing on the joke itself and making it more clever, sarcastic or subtle… or at least stop making the butt of all of his “jokes” people that are looked at below the level of him and the audience.

Are you taking the status of your targets into account before you write an opinionated editorial or humor piece?

What It Takes To Be An Overnight Failure

What It Takes To Be An Overnight Failure

Chris Brogan has talked a lot on his blog about what it takes to be an overnight success. While I appreciate his candor, I think he’s only speaking to a very small demographic that has the chops to make it happen. What about the rest of us who, despite our pathetic attempts at becoming a super awesome social media uber-guru, will never reach those heights… or even 20 unique visitors to our blog? (fingers crossed!) Has Chris forgotten about the little people who exalt him as their savior while they do the complete opposite of what he says?

Well, I’ll speak for you then! For the tens of thousands of wanna-be blogging ninjas and internet rockstars. For the hundreds upon hundreds of fake experts who regurgitate fast-food content and auto-follow their way up on Twitter to boost their worthless self-esteem.

For you, the affiliate marketer who couldn’t sell a blind man a new pair of eyes. For you, the membership site wizard who sells membership site subscriptions to discuss membership sites with people looking to sell membership sites on membership sites. For you, the teenage “living the life” entrepreneurs who still rely on mom and dad’s allowance to pay hosting costs. For you, Blogspot users.

For everyone out there who still has $98.64 to go before receiving their first Adsense check. For everyone out there who networks so poorly, even Tom on MySpace isn’t your friend. For everyone out there who wants to be an overnight success, but knows deep down in their heart that they’re a failure!

Let’s show all the six-figure entrepreneurs making money online that our job takes a lot of hard work too! It’s difficult putting in 45 minutes a day in between watching every episode of Lost (again!) and working as the Clucky’s Chicken advertising mascot! It’s difficult to write about what you know when your “passion” is dropping roofies at high school house parties! It’s difficult to be an overnight success when you don’t even know that “overnight” is only one word!

I will speak for you, my children. What does it take to be an overnight failure?

Little Known New Wordpress 2.9 Features

Little Known New Wordpress 2.9 Features

A Not A Pro Blog exclusive! In late breaking news that was somehow missed by millions of bloggers and tech news sites worldwide – Wordpress 2.9 has been released!

This new version is packed with loads of features that have been previewed for months previous to this release. Many reports though have concentrated on the major additions to the platform, but have failed to give users all the information they need to know about Wordpress 2.9. Fortunately for you, Not A Pro Blog has looked at the fine print, trawled through all the help files, scrutinized every line of code and has camped out in the air vent above Matt Mullenweg’s office for three months to bring you the least known additional features you can expect to find in Wordpress 2.9:

Ultimate Global “Trash” Feature

We all have already heard how we can now take out the trash and restore deleted posts and comments… but many are not talking about how global this feature can really get. With one simple click in Wordpress 2.9, unsuccessful bloggers can actually “undo” their entire blog in one fell swoop. There’s no confirmation message either, but you’ve only written one post anyways since starting the blog, so what’s the big deal?

Currently, this feature is only available to blog administrators, but is looking to be expanded as a displayed widget for ordinary visitors. Combining the interactivity of comments, polls and ratings – If you think a blog deserves to be thrown in the trash, then you have the ultimate power to do so! With 300+ million blogs out there and growing like a virus… we finally can undertake in some population control, or at least eliminate competition for high valued keywords!

Batch Plugin Auto-Update of Compatibility Questions

Wordpress administrators are applauding the ability to update multiple plugins as a batch, but many are not talking about the new compatibility checking integrated into this feature.

Instead of asking “does this work with 2.9?” to 84 different plugin developers (because of course, you have every known plugin installed for “super awesome” sidebar widgets), Wordpress will now post this question automatically upon upgrade. Plugin developers, though, are not providing much backlash towards this functionality whatsoever – but most have not provided much past the 1.0 release of their work anyways, so it doesn’t come as a total shock.

Post Thumbfails

Bloggers have shifted more towards “magazine” style displays and Wordpress 2.9 has delivered users with a new post thumbnail feature for easy integration into these themes. Fortunately for everyday blog visitors, they have also included a pop-up for administrators who don’t take in account file sizes of images when using this new feature. “OMG, I can totally resize this 2400×1800 pixel 6.7 megabyte 300 dpi photo of my cat’s ass into 16×16 favicon! This roXorZ!”

Oh, Embed!

WordPress 2.9 now supports the Oembed format, which makes it easier to embed content from multimedia sharing sites such as YouTube and Flickr. Of course, these embed codes are readily available with a simple cut & paste – but pre-2.9, that didn’t stop 95% of Wordpress admins installing 37 different plugins to handle each specific format with a shortcode. Little do many people know, this functionality also extends to the visual editor as well. Little do many people know, there is actually a visual editor in Wordpress. Ironically though, those who use the visual editor are people who know little.

Top 10 Failed URL Shortener Spinoffs

Top 10 Failed URL Shortener Spinoffs

Now that Google has officially entered the URL shortening game, it’s put into threat many of the countless other services that are struggling to remain relevant in this space. Will goo.gl crush all it opposes or will their competitors rely solely on differentiation? That users will prefer random letters made into cute words they don’t pay attention to whatsoever anyways?

I figure this would be a good time to reflect on the ‘heyday’ of URL shortening – when anyone with $10 and a game of Boggle could launch a multi-million dollar business! We can obviously see the results of this gold rush now, but let’s also take a look at the ones that didn’t quite make it… ones that never lived up to their potential or may have been too bold, too soon.

I present you with the list of the Top 10 Failed URL Shortener Spinoffs of all-time:

facetio.us

A spinoff of the now defunct faceto.us aimed at sharing humorous links. Coming in at a whopping double digit number of characters, company went under after web users thought they were “just kidding”.

biCurio.us

A sub-brand of curio.us aimed at users who want to share links, but aren’t sure which social media platform they lean towards.

DigBig.as

Created as a collaborative project between just.as and DigBig as a shortener exclusively for fans of Sir Mix-a-Lot.

is.god

The religious right wing of is.gd branded as “the moral way to shorten”. When questioned that their web address contains an invalid top-level domain name, the company creators stated “it all comes down to faith that the Lord will get you there”.

fire.me

The merger of fire.to and bloat.me was destined for success… until most users who were found clicking on their links were subsequently fired for spending too much time at work on Twitter.

shur.ly

Why did shurl.net go out of business? A 47 year-old loner obsessed with the movie Airplane! thought it was cute to purchase this domain name… then launch a “don’t call it Shirley” campaign against the company.

bacn.il

The eccentric founders of bacn.me attempted to expand into the lucrative Middle Eastern market without realizing most of their users couldn’t click on their links for religious reasons.

MooUrl.in

Same fate as above for this MooURL spinoff.

clit.ly

In the attempt to compete with the popular bit.ly, the downfall came early when female bloggers saw that all male visitors were getting 404 “not found” pages.

fuck.it

A rich entrepreneur paid $10 million from the Italian porn industry for domain name to compete against hurl.it. As a monetization method, approximately 3% of the shortened links take you to advertisements, spam & malware. Directed at the gambler inside all of us, the service’s tagline was “A viral video or a virus? C’mon, fuck it!”