Of the many entrepreneurs I met at BlogWorld last year, one that definitely stood out was Chris Ducker. A genuinely funny dude in his own right, here’s an interview he did with me there for his Virtual Business Lifestyle blog.

Among other things, we discuss the importance of social media in building a personal brand, why you must stand out from the crowd from the get-go, the difference of being part of a niche and “owning” it, and whether web video is the future of content.

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Ever since the tragic events last week in Japan, I’ve read a ton of blog posts and tweets from companies who are “donating” to the rescue/rebuilding efforts there.

In no way would I ever scoff at the notion of charity, but almost every single one of these glorified PR releases has a social media-enabled “condition” to pledge.

For every “like” on our Facebook page will we donate…
All of our proceeds the next week from our iOS app…
If we get over 1000 tweets of the message we will…

Go fuck yourselves. This is so unbelievably disgusting, it defies every bone in my body not to fly to each and every office of these companies and kick someone in the nuts.

Well, what if you don’t get X amount of likes/tweets?
What if you don’t sell any widgets, apps or piece-of-shit products?
Are you just going to sign a fat check of $0 and send that to Japan?

As Ben Paddon proclaims on his watchdog-like gaming journalism blog:

So let me get this straight – your company has up to $25,000 earmarked for donation to the Red Cross to go directly to aid Japan, but you’re only going to give them the money if a sufficient quantity of people “Like” you on Facebook? Do you not think it’s a little, I don’t know, fucking douchey to try and use a catastrophic natural disaster to selfishly promote your shitty game company?

If you’ve got the money set aside for the Red Cross, just fucking give it to them. Promising to only give any it to charity on the proviso that people pay attention to your Facebook page is fucking despicable.

I get the PR play, though. It looks like your business is actually “human” to give to charities and pulls at the hearts of potential and existing customers alike. I get it. Most of them are probably sincere gestures. I don’t doubt that.

The companies also likely think naively that adding that social media activation and “going viral” will primarily get more people to donate to the cause – and not in any way is designed to raise the brand, profile and top-of-mind of said company to move more goods/services they offer. But it sure looks like that.

Instead of adding a caveat, just donate the fucking money. Send out a press release. Pat yourselves on the backs. Watch your community give a big thumbs up to you. Surely, that’s the goal. So why extort the shit out of them in the process?

For every comment that disagrees with me, I’m donating $1 to the Red Cross.

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Many bloggers have started to veer away from the ad-based monetization model. Good choice, unless you’re looking for a very steep uphill battle for enough eyeballs to even just pay your cell phone bill.

So, in the search for income, now many are are producing their own products or pitching their “consulting” services. I put that word in quotes for a reason. Why?

Because I have no fucking clue why I’d want to hire 95% of these people for any reason whatsoever.

And it’s their own damn fault.

It’s not that they’re offering something totally outside of my needs like fish tank setups or nude cow milking.

It’s that they haven’t given me a single solitary reason whatsoever why they’re good at it – other than their word, it seems.

To me (and to most) there’s a very big difference between merely saying what you can do and actually doing it.

Show. Me. Something. Anything. Please. For Fuck Sakes.

You can get as many Twitter followers as you want. You can get as many blog readers & list subscribers as you want.
You can get as many people to RT & share your posts as you want.You can get as many “testimonials” as you want.
(notice how I put that word in quotes as well because many are unreliable blather)

But if you can’t show me an example, or two, or three of the exact service you’re pitching to me right now, you know, solid and tangible references to the work you’ve actually done in this field – then I will assume you’re completely full of shit.

Because you probably are.

How do I choose a logo designer? I look at their client’s logos.
How do I choose a house painter? I look at the houses they’ve done.
How do I choose someone for nude cow milking? I look at the teats.

Social media has been an extraordinary tool to connect customers to businesses and showcase the great, high-quality people offering their talents to the public. But it has also become a virus by clouding the goals of those entering this 21st century space with their own business endeavors in any niche.

Sure, word-of-mouth is the most powerful marketing tool… but back in the day, it was difficult to fake this in any effective way. Yet with these new technologies & connectivity, it’s becoming easier and easier to artificially produce buzz about your product or services. And I’m not talking about automation, fake accounts or spam.

Where your success depends much on being “talked about”, your popularity will serve up the perception to many that you do indeed know what you’re talking about – even if it’s just having real human interactions online and sharing links up the wazoo. Does this mean you’re qualified, though?

Maybe you are. Maybe you aren’t. Yet the unwitting majority might not be able to see the difference through all the smoke.

So make it clear. Stop talking about what you could do for others… and do it for others!

Stop trying to convince everyone that you can milk a cow bare-ass in under 12 seconds… and bottle a few gallons.

Does the inherent nature of what makes social media tick blind many of us into spending way too much energy developing social proof without doing anything to produce actual proof?

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When you see the term “social media” written in the mainstream press as this awe-inspiring, ground-breaking, radical shift in the connected human consciousness (their buzzwords, not mine) – do you roll your eyes and sigh apathetically?

When you hear a marketing rockstar ninja expert use the word engage about 84 times in a 7 minute interview, do you vomit in your mouth just a little bit?

When you wake up in the morning to find 163 new blog posts, 326 Facebook updates, 831 incoming tweets (not including the redundant aggregation of each individual one on 74 other social platforms) – do you smell a pungent odor emanating from this landfill?

Do you get the sense that social media is just a delusion we’re all perpetrating on ourselves with implicit collusion in order to give a sense of purpose and value to our empty lives?

Do you get a feeling that human nature is actually not changing whatsoever, but has designed a construct in which our own selfish needs and dirty little secrets can be veiled so well to the unsuspecting masses?

Do you think anyone in business who stands to earn income in any way possible, directly or indirectly, from the use of social media can truly be authentic about their intentions?

This all sounds like the same business model of strippers.

The only difference is that the pole dancer knows what she is and doesn’t deny it.

So, why can’t we just admit that we’re all whores?

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The tech space has been up in arms over Facebook’s seeming disregard for user privacy, yet are we making much ado about nothing?

Before you jump on the Facebook-bashing bandwagon, ask yourself these three questions:

1. Is anyone forcing you to be on Facebook? Probably not. Then stop using it.

2. Do you share anything on Facebook you feel is too private? Then stop doing that.

3. Who the hell is looking at your Facebook profile anyways? Not many, if anyone.

Sure, I’m not a big fan of leaving personal details out to be exploited by unscrupulous third parties… but with the exception of Facebook using info to custom tailor relevant advertising to you, who exactly are you really trying to protect yourself from?

I don’t peruse random people’s profiles. No one else I know does either. I don’t see identity theft being a major issue, if at all. So who are these mythical people who you don’t want to allow them to see your vacation photos, the fact you liked the Shawshank Redemption or that you had an interesting exchange at the grocery store recently?

They don’t exist. It’s all in your mind.

The only people looking at your updates, photos, notes, videos, games, etc. on Facebook are those who actually are your friends and therefore marked down as such and given permission anyways (under the old opt-in rules). To think otherwise is just a delusion of grandeur of your own self-importance.

You’re not important. Most people aren’t. No one really cares about you.

Does the “illusion of security” means more to us than its logical purpose?

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Breaking News: Social media guru expert speaks heresy about popular 3rd party Twitter app!

That’s right, folks. I’m going to be the one person truly brave enough. I’ll point out something that has irked us social media types for quite some time, but too many are afraid to open their mouths. I’ve heard the grumblings long enough, so I’ll take the bullet for the team.

TweetDeck sucks!

Don’t you all feel so much better now?

Now, to all the non-believers clutching to your prehistoric ideologies circa August 2009, feel free to flame me in the comment section. I can take the heat. But before you stone me to death like a Salem witch, I will make these concessions:

Yes, I think TweetDeck is the “best” third party desktop application for using Twitter.
Yes, I know it handles multiple accounts and integrated with Facebook & Linkedin.
Yes, it’s awesome that you can drag/drop photos & movies and view within the program.
Yes, it has an increased API limit, infinite columns for lists and saved searches.
Yes, I’m aware that many seem to think TweetDeck is the greatest thing since sliced bread!

But does any of that matter when it grinds your computer to a halt after one hour of its usage?

I already know what’s coming, so save it. You’re going to explain the intricacies of an operating system, spew off mumbo-jumbo terms like registry hacks, memory leakage, CPU acceleration and ask “dude, why don’t you just install Windows 7? It’s awesome!”

That’s all well and good. I appreciate your willingness to help. But I’m not a total schmuck when it comes to computers… and if I can’t even figure out through all my stubbornness how to limit the application’s resources – then how great can it really be when 90%+ of the demographic using TweetDeck have even less of a clue than I do?

So, what am I using now to satisfy my Twitter addiction?

In true Arlen Spector fashion, here comes the flip-flop. As of this week, I am officially throwing all my support, however non-influential is is, to the web-based app CoTweet. It’s a pretty heavy piece of software geared primarily towards companies, but I have $8.35 in my Paypal account, so I guess I can be considered a “business”, right?

Only using this new application for a handful of days, I’m obviously in the infatuation stage of our relationship. What this means is soon you’ll see either one of these two things in the near future:

1. A blog post here soon reviewing CoTweet, singing its praises.
2. A retraction to this post next week as I sheepishly return to using TweetDeck.

Which one do you think it will be?

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Chris Brogan has talked a lot on his blog about what it takes to be an overnight success. While I appreciate his candor, I think he’s only speaking to a very small demographic that has the chops to make it happen. What about the rest of us who, despite our pathetic attempts at becoming a super awesome social media uber-guru, will never reach those heights… or even 20 unique visitors to our blog? (fingers crossed!) Has Chris forgotten about the little people who exalt him as their savior while they do the complete opposite of what he says?

Well, I’ll speak for you then! For the tens of thousands of wanna-be blogging ninjas and internet rockstars. For the hundreds upon hundreds of fake experts who regurgitate fast-food content and auto-follow their way up on Twitter to boost their worthless self-esteem.

For you, the affiliate marketer who couldn’t sell a blind man a new pair of eyes. For you, the membership site wizard who sells membership site subscriptions to discuss membership sites with people looking to sell membership sites on membership sites. For you, the teenage “living the life” entrepreneurs who still rely on mom and dad’s allowance to pay hosting costs. For you, Blogspot users.

For everyone out there who still has $98.64 to go before receiving their first Adsense check. For everyone out there who networks so poorly, even Tom on MySpace isn’t your friend. For everyone out there who wants to be an overnight success, but knows deep down in their heart that they’re a failure!

Let’s show all the six-figure entrepreneurs making money online that our job takes a lot of hard work too! It’s difficult putting in 45 minutes a day in between watching every episode of Lost (again!) and working as the Clucky’s Chicken advertising mascot! It’s difficult to write about what you know when your “passion” is dropping roofies at high school house parties! It’s difficult to be an overnight success when you don’t even know that “overnight” is only one word!

I will speak for you, my children. What does it take to be an overnight failure?

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Franz Liszt was a Hungarian composer, virtuoso pianist and teacher. He was renowned throughout Europe during the 19th century and said by his contemporaries to have been the most technically advanced pianist of his age. As a composer, he left behind a huge and diverse body of work, in which he influenced his forward-looking contemporaries and anticipated some 20th-century ideas and trends… one of which was social media.

That’s right! Liszt was one of the most prominent representatives of the “Neue deutsche Schule von Bloggen Fachleuten” where he cultivated the next generation of “Soziale Mediengurus” in the conceptual art of branding.

Considered by many as the Nostradamus of internet marketing, his teachings and techniques were spurned by peers as having no measurable “Kehren Sie auf Investition zurück”. While contemporaries were off creating short 30 second pieces of music for sale during letter opening (Ring tönt as it was called), Liszt did not charge students for lessons whatsoever – the first recorded evidence of the power of “free”. (note: 160 years before Chris Anderson penned the idea.)

Of course though, as a forward-thinking marketer, Liszt offered his students little technical advice, expecting them to “wash their dirty linen at home,” as he phrased it. The “freemium” model, therefore, was born. Instead, he focused on musical interpretation with a combination of anecdote, metaphor and wit. (note: 160 years before Seth Godin penned the idea.)

Liszt also wanted to avoid creating carbon copies of himself, but after his death, was unable to control the countless students of his work from “scraping” his content relentlessly. Hans von Bülow was the most notable “Seien wollen Sie”. Notoriously tactless, Bülow alienated many musicians with whom he worked. He was dismissed from his Zürich job for this reason, but at the same time he was beginning to win renown for his ability to conduct new and complex works without a score. (note: 160 years before Gary Vaynerchuk penned the idea.)

Unfortunately, Liszt’s contributions in the field of social media marketing has been minimized by bloggers worldwide. With his most notable compositions: “6 Hungarian Rhapsodies”, “8 Variations on a Waltz” and “14 Years of Pilgrimage”, the often-used form of link bait was originated. The Liszt Post.

Predictions & Quotes Made by Franz Liszt on Social Media

His prediction on the state of the blogosphere:
A person of any mental quality has ideas of his own. This is common sense.

His thoughts about marketing through social media channels:
I find little in the works of Beethoven, Berlioz, Wagner and others when they are led by a conductor who functions like a windmill.

His rudimentary founding of the keys to search engine optimization:
Brahms’ Variations are better than mine, but mine were written before his.

His ideology about being part of the community as an “agent zero”:
The principal task of a conductor is not to put himself in evidence but to disappear behind his functions as much as possible. We are pilots, not servants.

His first draft of the now-punchy cliche – “content is king”:
A theatre receives recognition through its initiative, which is indispensable for first-rate performances.

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Now that Google has officially entered the URL shortening game, it’s put into threat many of the countless other services that are struggling to remain relevant in this space. Will goo.gl crush all it opposes or will their competitors rely solely on differentiation? That users will prefer random letters made into cute words they don’t pay attention to whatsoever anyways?

I figure this would be a good time to reflect on the ‘heyday’ of URL shortening – when anyone with $10 and a game of Boggle could launch a multi-million dollar business! We can obviously see the results of this gold rush now, but let’s also take a look at the ones that didn’t quite make it… ones that never lived up to their potential or may have been too bold, too soon.

I present you with the list of the Top 10 Failed URL Shortener Spinoffs of all-time:

facetio.us

A spinoff of the now defunct faceto.us aimed at sharing humorous links. Coming in at a whopping double digit number of characters, company went under after web users thought they were “just kidding”.

biCurio.us

A sub-brand of curio.us aimed at users who want to share links, but aren’t sure which social media platform they lean towards.

DigBig.as

Created as a collaborative project between just.as and DigBig as a shortener exclusively for fans of Sir Mix-a-Lot.

is.god

The religious right wing of is.gd branded as “the moral way to shorten”. When questioned that their web address contains an invalid top-level domain name, the company creators stated “it all comes down to faith that the Lord will get you there”.

fire.me

The merger of fire.to and bloat.me was destined for success… until most users who were found clicking on their links were subsequently fired for spending too much time at work on Twitter.

shur.ly

Why did shurl.net go out of business? A 47 year-old loner obsessed with the movie Airplane! thought it was cute to purchase this domain name… then launch a “don’t call it Shirley” campaign against the company.

bacn.il

The eccentric founders of bacn.me attempted to expand into the lucrative Middle Eastern market without realizing most of their users couldn’t click on their links for religious reasons.

MooUrl.in

Same fate as above for this MooURL spinoff.

clit.ly

In the attempt to compete with the popular bit.ly, the downfall came early when female bloggers saw that all male visitors were getting 404 “not found” pages.

fuck.it

A rich entrepreneur paid $10 million from the Italian porn industry for domain name to compete against hurl.it. As a monetization method, approximately 3% of the shortened links take you to advertisements, spam & malware. Directed at the gambler inside all of us, the service’s tagline was “A viral video or a virus? C’mon, fuck it!”

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