What It Takes To Be An Overnight Failure

Jordan Cooper — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 07:03:20 +0000

Chris Brogan has talked a lot on his blog about what it takes to be an overnight success. While I appreciate his candor, I think he’s only speaking to a very small demographic that has the chops to make it happen. What about the rest of us who, despite our pathetic attempts at becoming a super awesome social media uber-guru, will never reach those heights… or even 20 unique visitors to our blog? (fingers crossed!) Has Chris forgotten about the little people who exalt him as their savior while they do the complete opposite of what he says?

Well, I’ll speak for you then! For the tens of thousands of wanna-be blogging ninjas and internet rockstars. For the hundreds upon hundreds of fake experts who regurgitate fast-food content and auto-follow their way up on Twitter to boost their worthless self-esteem.

For you, the affiliate marketer who couldn’t sell a blind man a new pair of eyes. For you, the membership site wizard who sells membership site subscriptions to discuss membership sites with people looking to sell membership sites on membership sites. For you, the teenage “living the life” entrepreneurs who still rely on mom and dad’s allowance to pay hosting costs. For you, Blogspot users.

For everyone out there who still has $98.64 to go before receiving their first Adsense check. For everyone out there who networks so poorly, even Tom on MySpace isn’t your friend. For everyone out there who wants to be an overnight success, but knows deep down in their heart that they’re a failure!

Let’s show all the six-figure entrepreneurs making money online that our job takes a lot of hard work too! It’s difficult putting in 45 minutes a day in between watching every episode of Lost (again!) and working as the Clucky’s Chicken advertising mascot! It’s difficult to write about what you know when your “passion” is dropping roofies at high school house parties! It’s difficult to be an overnight success when you don’t even know that “overnight” is only one word!

I will speak for you, my children. What does it take to be an overnight failure?

Mandatory Christmas Blog Post

Jordan Cooper — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 10:10:16 +0000

I would like to thank every single blog I read regularly for wishing me a Merry Christmas. Thank you so much for filling up my RSS reader with short posts of little value all just so you can fake caring about me. As a present, can you buy me the hour of my life I wasted sorting through all the drivel?

Oh, and I can’t leave out all the people I’m following on Twitter. Thank you for filling my stream giving me a play by play of Christmas Eve with the family. Jimmy has grown up so much since the last time we saw him, don’t you think? I know it’s tough to spend a whole day conversing with Grandpa about the war and Aunt Ellen with her eccentric cooking antics… but do we really have to experience the pain along with you? I’m glad I’m not on Flickr or I’d have to look at your ugly kids too.

I would also like to thank every blogger who wrote an “hilarious” themed post by spoofing a well-known Christmas poem. You’re so clever, the way you replaced a few nouns with blogging terms! I can play mad libs too. Try this one out:

Twas the night before product launch, when all through my blog “ring”
Not a comment was posted, not even a ping.
The copy was written on the squeeze page with care,
In hopes that loyal readers soon would be there.

The video teaser was nestled all snug in an embed,
While visions of Paypal deposits danced in my head.
And eBooks ready for purchase, traffic to get capped
Had just settled an affiliate deal for more unlucky saps.

When out on the blog there arose such a chatter,
I sprang from John Chow’s ass to see if my wallet was fatter.
Away to e-Junkie I flew like a flash,
To open the browser and count up the cash.

The transaction was a test of a new created item
It gave the false hope of customers biting.
When, what to my greedy eyes should appear,
But a blacklisted letter from Google, those queers.

With a little DNS switch, a re-direct so quick,
I knew in a moment I can continue scraping shit.
More rapid than Twitter the Adwords converted,
With Megan Fox keywords for the SEO perverted.

“With Friend Feed! with, Diggers! with, Delicious and Sphinns!
On, Reddit! On, Facebook! on Twitter and Linkedin!
To the top of the page! to the top of the SERPs!
Now buy away! Buy away! Buy away jerks!”

Not A Pro Blog with Jordan Cooper » spoof

What It Takes To Be An Overnight Failure

Mandatory Christmas Blog Post